A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:There's a mate of my husband's who has been really nice to me and is a great guy. He's called me nicknames, teased me, and has been really nice in little ways. He plays with my son and my husband has noticed him sometimes asking my son questions about me that seem unnecessary 2 ask a 7 year old. (What's your mom doing today, what does your mom think, and a few more.) He doesn't ask about my husband. My husband starting noticing that I seemed to be attracted 2 the guy. I didn't want 2 be. I tried to ignore him but I couldn't help liking him a bit. Still, I had no intention of crossing any lines. We talked once about how there is some chemistry there but he said all the right things to make me believe he had no intention of trying to undermine my marriage. He did say that my husband should be nicer to me, and that he really likes me. I didn't say anything other than that there's chemistry, which is obvious. I believed I could trust him and I wanted to know him a bit so I communicated with him a little, a few emails and a phone call. This is a guy who emails my son regularly, sometimes they go back and forth several times a day, so I didn't think it was a big deal for me to talk to him. (One email from him asked a few questions about school and then asked what I do all day when he's away - is that odd?) He realized that there was trouble brewing and disappeared for a while, which made my husband think he had something 2 hide/guilt/whatever. My husband confronted him one day asking what was going on, he said nothing was going on (true), that he had no interest in me (?), etc. I was trying to have a friendship without it crossing any lines. At the same time my troubled marriage is most likely ending after years and years of trying, though we are on good terms. I am wondering what has really happened here, if this guy was a schemer all along, if he is really a good a mate to my husband as he's claimed, and if he's used my son to some extent. I'm afraid he might stumble across this somehow but I need help seeing what has gone on. Ta! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): You wrote in recently asking whether this guy emailing your 7 year old son was appropriate. Now you talk about your interest in your husbands friend. You are looking for evidence that he is interested in you. Instead of looking for signs to cheat maybe you should invest in your marriage and try to make it work. Your hb is already suspicious that something is happening bet you two. And you are also using your son with this man as well. your son is only 7. Do not use him to get this man. Don’t stoop this low. You are his mother and you should protect him, and not do anything to endanger or anything to cause harm to him. I am trying to tell you to watch what you are doing with this man. Your son likes him, perhaps even sees him as his hero. Imagine what your son will do/feel if he knows that mummy and his daddy best friend is playing with each other? You “innocently “made contact with him. Bullshit. You were interested in him and you persued him, all in the guise of friendship. Does your hb know how far you have progressed with his friend? Seems like you are no sad that your marriage is ending and your sons home is being destroyed. You are only interested sexually with this man. Don’t you have any concern for your son. Surely you owe your hb some sort of decency. Running after his friend is just plain nasty. What kind of friend is this anyway? Using his friend and the friends son to get with the wife. Well he is not the only schemer in this situation. You have been one too. Well i hope your hb sniffs the shit around him and gets rid of his good friend as soon as possible. Yes, it also means your hb must eliminate all contact this man has with his son. As for you, well you are an adult and you have been playing with fire. And as with all fires, the likelihood of destroying and getting burnt is so rife.
you deliberately chased your hbs friend. sad that you think nothing of dishonouring your hb. i hope your hb opens his eyes & sees the friend as an intruder and gets rid of him. once and for all.
A
female
reader, YourDestiny11  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 Well it sounds like you like this guy and you do think your marriage is ending...and you knew you were crossing a line by emailing him, which anyone would do, dont get me wrong! It deffinately sounds like he likes you but i just dont see a relationship forming/working there where he was good friends with your husband and everything! If i were you i would end the marriage with your husband since you dont think you can save your marriage then give it a little while, still talk to his friend and eventually go out to dinner or something and discuss it all and find out what he thinks and if its the same thing we think, that he likes you, then go for it and see how it goes from there! Good luck!
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