A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I apologize for this long post. However, I need as many answers as possible.Part 1 of problem:In a conversation with an ex, I had to get answers from her. I persisted for truthful answers. I eventually asked why I was NEVER notified of my own faults in the relationship. The ex said "This is bad. But, maybe, I just gave up." .... I don't understand.... I have NO idea why she said "This is bad." ... I asked her about the fact that she never told me of my faults, because I was curious on her motive as to why she did it.Part 2 of problem:Oh. And, here's something else.I told the same ex that I was upset about a relative that was very ill of Cancer. Her response? "Don't talk like that." . (That conversation took place BEFORE the one where I inquired about why she didn't say anything about my faults.). At any rate, how heartless is that, for a response? I find it so awful. A few days later, that was when I had the "This is bad." conversation.Part 3 of problem:I angrily broke off all contact when I heard that I was given up on. Funny. "We should break up. We should be friends!" - That's her talking. Yet, as a "Friend", she DARES tell me not to worry about my dying relative. How heartless! Anyways, I rudely told her I never wanted to speak to her again.Yet, a few months later, she has the buffoon of a boyfriend of hers tell me to leave her alone. Yet, I did nothing to her, said nothing, did 100% nothing to her. Even more confusing, she casually/somewhat rudely asks how I was. I jumped, and had an anxiety attack. I am so confused about her, I need answers, and fast. I think she was being selfish on the "Friends" thing. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't neglect to share any details. She is heartless, in my eyes…… She didn't seem to care that I was going through such a strong, emotional, episode. All she cared about was being "Friends" with me! YUCK! Friends, with a liar? A traitor? Not in my book!
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Your post isn't all that long and it's easy to follow so no apology necessary.Part 1:I suspect that throughout your relationship you came on rather strong. You 'had to get answers' you 'persisted' and now here with us you 'need answers and fast'. I believe she did try to communicate with you early on but soon realised the futility of it and gave up. You do seem to have a very determined, one sided view and have already decided 'she is the problem'. My guess is you saw her as the cause of the problems while you were together and upon realising she had grievances of her own you decided she was the problem again for not having expressed them to you in a way that you understood and agreed with. Either way she gets the blame.Part 2:You give us a brief overview of your concern for a dying relative but quote her as specifically saying 'don't talk like that'. Her reply is the response one gives to a morbid, overly depressing or hopeless statement. 'I'm never going to get a job, no one will ever love me and I'll live forever in total misery'....... response: 'don't talk like that'.It wasn't your concern she didn't want to hear but something specific you said, which you have neglected to share with us.Part 3:I don't think she deliberately set her new guy on you. I'll bet she happened to be talking about the past (as people tend to do) and he took it upon himself. You are no longer together and all the problems you blame her for are no longer yours to deal with, yet you're still demanding answers and 'fast'. Why? And why the rush? Is something going to happen?Your ex wasn't happy with you and she didn't think she could communicate that to you in a way that you would accept gracefully. My guess is, to her, you seemed forceful. She felt overwhelmed and shut down. She doesn't sound selfish to me. She just sounds like someone who wasn't strong enough (and shouldn't have had to be) to handle someone with, shall we say, a...determined...personality such as yours. My advice is to stop pursuing answers and to reflect on past events if you want insight so badly. Often times the answers you seek are there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's the problem - I leave her alone, and she accuses me of bothering her.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 August 2012):
IT seems that this girl has a tendency to shut down in emotional situations, so rather than engage in a conversation with you about your faults she found some way to dismiss it and, at the same time, shift responsibility for that lack of communication on to you by implying that she “gave up.” From what you say, she didn’t give up trying to raise her grievances with you because she never tried to in the first place! Maybe she did something similar with your relative: did she actually tell you not to worry about this person? From what you describe, she simply didn’t want to talk about it. Worry if you like, but don’t count on me for support, seems to be the message. She does seem rather self-absorbed and indifferent to the impact of breaking up with you one minute, talking about being friends the next, then telling her new man to request that you leave her alone the next. To be honest all of this is academic now because it’s over between you and the best thing that you can do is stop trying to figure her out and leave her to get on with her life, whilst you do the same for yours.
I wish you all the very best.
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