A
female
age
41-50,
*alu
writes:Me and my husband are marries for 5 yrs now. We have a friend with whom he used to booze during week ends. either we go to his house or he visit us on week end.It's not my habit to drink but some times I join them or when the friend is not available I used to give company to my husband. On a recent occasion I sat with them, had 2 glasses. I felt like I got a kick immediatelyI never even touched this friend but on that day I was touching him and sitting close to him and was overly familiar and a bit too much acting up. Afterwards I was embarrassed. I apologized to my husband for thisWe had a talk about this. My husband told me it is just OK and normal. He does not mind me being bit out going. I am confused what he really mean by this!! whether he want me to be like this to our friend and ....!In our country this is not treated as normal.If people knew about it, it would make bit trouble. I am afraid.Some people over here helped counsel me about my overly outgoing behavior, before. It was helpful. I request you to help me with situation to understand what my husband is exactly suggesting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lalu +, writes (29 June 2012):
Lalu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for sharing different perspectives. We discussed this matter and my hubby was very simple about it all. He told that he understood that I have an attraction to this guy. And in a drunken state I just showed it. As you told, he iia non-restricting person.He told me it is ok if I do little bit of acting when we are in private. I am a calm person and never behave outwardly in public. Outward behavior will give me a bad name.My husband told that it is OK to express at least little bit of our feelings.He does not mind unless I have a secret.When we talk openly it made my mind bit calm.I was very tensed about the people around here and as well the picture I made in my husband's mind. You know when your better half assures that he is with you. There is nothing great that I can get.As told, I have to be careful in matter me and our friend become alone. I admit I am vulnerable. Something in him makes me to behave to him toooo close.I will ensure that we will meet along with my husband only.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 hi
I will defer to Cerberus's experienced eye on this.
What Cerberus has said makes sense. It was just what you said that it gave you such a 'kick' and it was sudden. Then you went on to behave uncharacteristically.
So spiking a drink was a real possibility.
However your follow up gave important extra information that was helpful.
That said, as you may be feeling an attraction to this man so you really do need to be careful to ensure you only are in his presence when your husband is there.
when you inhibitions are weakened (by alcohol) you are more vulnerable.
But due to the customs in your country please be careful not to hurt the 'honor' of your husband.
I think do take notice of Cerebus. He is very wise and very experienced. He makes good sense always.
Regards
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I have to disagree here a bit with Abella.
You say you don't drink normally so your tolerance is next to zero. You also don't state what kind of drink it was.
I drink regularly and can drink tonnes without getting very drunk but some days depending on how hot the weather is, how much I'd eaten that day, whether I'd worked out or not, how long it is since I last drank, even the occasion or whether we're drinking outside etc. and two drinks can make me wasted. Especially if they are spirits.
OP you say your husband didn't mind, you also say that people have told you you're too outgoing already so he knew that about you and probably is letting you off the hook this once. We all can do stupid things while drunk and his reaction probably is one of forgiveness for this one-time drunken mistake.
Just ask him out straight if he really doesn't mind you acting that way and if he doesn't then why not?
His reasons may not be as bad as you think OP, he may just be open minded and less restrictive than is normal in your culture.
Try not to assume the worst but do be careful in the future, if it's a social no-no in your country then it may lead to big problems ahead for you if you keep doing that kind of thing.
Just talk to him about this, he's the only person who can clear up your confusion for you.
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A
female
reader, Lalu +, writes (28 June 2012):
Lalu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thanks for replying. but I did not mention certain things that the scene is not clear. Our friend is a known person for us for quite some time (for 12 yrs). I and he stayed in the same house alone before and always seemed to be a harmless person. We always had good relation.
I feel its in my mind that some attraction was there and when drunk I showed it out. I like this guy.
I know this is not good in our society. I will openly tell what I feel about it all to my husband. Unless I should bear this guilt.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 June 2012):
The fact that this drink gave you such a kick is the clue. And that you then lost all your inhibitions and behaved in a way that is uncharacteristic for you is another clue.
And worse, that your husband is not bothered and seemed quite comfortable about it?
I think it was done for the benefit of his friend. Goodness knows why he would do this.
But I think the friend of your husband put something into the drink and then encouraged you to behave as you did.
Spiking a drink can result in you feeling so different so quickly and it is dangerous.
Try to encourage your husband to spend less time with this friend.
Never invite your husband's friend into your home unless your husband is present. i think he is up to no good.
Never be alone with this friend of your husband. As I think your husband's friend is not a man you can trust.
You need to talk to your husband about the fact that he was not bothered to flout the customs of your country. You husband should always protect you, not allow another man to enjoy watching you play up a little.
But that was not the usual you.
You do not usually behave like that.
Does your husband have a drinking problem? Or does he owe this friend money? These things could make your husband make silly decisions.
There are NO circumstances where you ever need to be more outgoing with this other man.
Your husband needs to explain just exactly what is happening. But you absolutely do NOT have to agree to do anything that compromises your values and NOTHING that compromises the values of your community.
You can even say NO to your husband, if he wants you to spend time with his friend, for any reason.
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