A
female
age
30-35,
*cchieazzuro
writes:Hi there, hoping someone can help me...Got engaged about a year ago to X...love him to bits, I've never felt so comfortable or happy with someone. However,his family... is a different story. I'll start off mentioning that his parents split. I should also mention that racially, we are very different. When his mother first saw a picture of me (facebook), she had asked her son "why can't he date his own kind?" Ok, so I let that one slide when he told me - I wasn't there anyway and I didn't want to start anything. Upon my first visit to his mother's house (about 6 months into our relationship) I listened to her rant about her ex-husband for well over an hour (just me and her; X was with her boyfriend upstairs), and she finished her conversation by calling me a beached whale. Don't ask how the conversation got there, because I honestly don't know. After that incident, I refused to visit her for another 6 months. When I did go back, she never apologized or acknowledged the fact that she was rude and disrespectful. Okay, I'm over it. It's obviously still awkward between us because we didn't start off on the right foot and everyone pretends nothing happened.Meanwhile, at his father's house where X unfortunately still resides, things have steadily been going downhill. In the beginning, his father and I got along great.However, his father changed his views on me and decided I am taking his son away from him and "ruining" the family. Did I mention X is a big boy - 30 years old? I'm sure all of you are thinking "move out" right about now, and BELIEVE me, I totally agree. However, financial issues are big enough right now to prevent that unfortunately. His father has been suggesting rude things to me that he knows I disagree with ("why don't you take my son to a strip club and buy him a girl" ...seriously) just to stir the pot, and when I'm not there, he calls me immature, rude, home-wrecker... you name it. X says he sticks up for me, but I'm not there so honestly I don't know.My question is... is it really worth it? I can't catch a break with either of his parents and I'm fed up. I love him but I hate those who are attached to him. I don't know what to do... I just told him that I can't deal with this and until he moves out, our relationship is on hold. Is this selfish of me? Is this right or wrong? Do I bother continuing the relationship at this point? I'm so confused, lost, hurt... I don't want to lose him but I can't imagine what married life is going to be like with these hellish in-laws!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012): "Can I endure my hellish future in-laws? Is it worth it? Could he do more to protect me from their malice?"
No. No. Yes, but he never will.
If you marry him, then you're marrying the in-laws and nothing's going to change, if anything it will only get worse. You know exactly what you'd be getting into, my advice is to run, not walk, away NOW.
A
female
reader, occhieazzuro +, writes (29 June 2012):
occhieazzuro is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to all for your feedback... X will be coming over tonight to discuss our options as a couple. I hope our relationship can be salvaged, but I will be keeping the future in mind... marriage, children, and the possibility of it just getting worse.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 I am going to straight up tell you from personal experience, it is NOT worth it. When your partner's family mistreats you, and goes out of their way to let you know they can't stand you, it makes for a miserable relationship.....especially when your partner allows then to get buy with it. This in one of the problems I had with my ex husband.
Abella mentioned children, and I think that's an excellent point. My ex mother-in-law used to bad mouth me to my daughter, every chance she got, even when she was a little girl.
I think you need to take a big step back and reconsider your whole relationship. Even if your fiancée does stick up for you, it will be a constant battle, and that will put him at odds with his family, and eventually it will put him at odds with you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 June 2012):
 how does your thirty year old guy get on with your family?
Often after a couple become a couple they graitate more towards his family OR her family.
But not seeing his family much would hurt him, since they are his family. He's been tolerating them for all his life.
And when children come along?
Do you want your children to hear all this cussing and pu downs?
Truly some families are toxic.
How ever did your guy turn out to be so nice amid the carnage of his two nasty abusive foul mouthed parents?
Is that the grandama and grandpa you'd be happy to leave your babies with?
To hear and experience such verbal Vomit that spews from your guys parents?
If your 30 year old guy had already left home (not able to listen to the abuse)then I'd feel confident.
But he stays at home and copes ?? Many would have walked out years earlier.
He's brem
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A
female
reader, occhieazzuro +, writes (28 June 2012):
occhieazzuro is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your fast reply...
He has spoken to his mother; nothing seems to faze her. She doesn't believe she should apologize, and his father shares the same belief. However his father goes into rants about me where the home-wrecker and immature comments come in. So when he does bring me up (with his father at least) I am subjected to more insults.It doesn't seem to go anywhere.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 June 2012):
You 30 year old guy is a man and should be providing his lady with better support and respect when you are faced with this barrage of common nasty hellish behaviour from your future inlaws.
Either he stands up for you now or it will only get worse.
If he is unwilling to stand up for you then he runs the risk of losing you .... forever.
Have a big talk to guy in private away from the respective family homes.
And is your guy, NOT You, who needs to address his parent's appalling rude behaviour.
If he cannot stand up to his own parents how is he going to be the man you need.
It is unacceptable for you to have to battled this hellish behaviour and the unacceptable attitudes.
The job belongs to your guy.
And based on all those shocking examples you mentioned I think it will be a very uphill battled to get them into the 21st century. They are so out of touch with the reality of values and attitudes today.
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