A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Thanks in advance to the great people who offer help here.I had made a standing commitment to spend time with a friend this evening and called this morning to confirm.She said that was fine but she would also call another friend to join us.I was kind of hoping to catch up over dinner with her so was a bit disappointed but did not indicate this to her.She mentioned that we could catch a later movie because this friend had plans for early evening.We agreed that I would come and pick her up and we would meet herfriend at the theatre.An hour ago I got a call that I would meet them at the theater as this friend who had plans was,now picking up and driving my friend.I,canceled out....I just lost my mojo for the whole thing.I felt dismissed....unimportant.This friendship has been shaky before.This same friend,dropped me for about four months.She came back but I am not as ok with disrespect....real or imagined. Was I petty to have backed out of the arrangement? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2013): I understand what you are saying. Your feelings and reaction are indicative of how you feel about your relationship with your friend. If you put two other people you love and trust in the situation, you would most likely be more relaxed about it. For example, imagine the friends were two sisters... they might be a bit annoying, but you wouldn't care too much, and would likely continue to meet them both. You would also, likely to trust there is a good reason for the change of plan.So, it really does depend on where your friend's heart is at. If she was being neglectful and disrespectful, she should realize she has upset you (unintentionally) and apologize. If she doesn't really care too much, she may just not contact you any more.Do you want to keep the friendship? If you do, you need to contact her and say something, nicely. If you don't really care about it, then let her make the move and put in the effort.The fact your friend 'dropped' you for four months in the past, would have destroyed a lot of trust you had in her. You likely do not trust that she cares more about your feelings and friendship, than something that happened... hence, you feeling dismissed and unimportant on this occasion.If you want to try to rebuild the friendship, tell her how you felt. Give her a chance to put it right.If you feel, the trust and respect really has gone... let it go.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 October 2013):
IT’s not like your friend changed the venue and everything, she just saved you an extra trip as you were all going to the theatre anyway. This was a little petty and possibly indicates that you’ve still not got over the last time you felt she was disrespectful to you.
What’s done is done, if she knows why you cancelled and confronts you about it tell her you realise what you did was petty, but wanted some quality time for the two of you. IF she doesn’t know the reason you pulled out, why don’t you initiate the next meet-up and make a point of saying it’ll be nice for you both to catch up together. If she still tries to invite some-one else, you’ll have to tell her you wanted some time just the two of you as she obviously hasn’t picked up the subtle hint.
I wish you all the very best.
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