A
female
age
30-35,
*irandaNY
writes:HiI have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. My boyfriend is friends with most of his ex girlfriends, I am actually okay with this except for just one of the ex girlfriends...his serious relationship that lasted like over 2 years or so. They had an amazing relationship until he found out she started to lie to him a lot and ended up cheating on him and started to lead him on.I know I'm probably being crazy about this but the thing is I know my boyfriend really well. He falls in love easily and gets attached easy and has a really hard time letting go and moving on. He has even said that he is still hurt and can't believe that she hurt him like she did. The thing that upsets me the most is that he wants to be friends with her. It has unfortunately caused 2 fights about her until he decided he'll stop talking to her so much. It's like I forced him to do it because I know that he doesn't want to stop talking to her. It's like heSince this happened I know 2 or 3 times she's contacted him and it just upsets me and I get paranoid and wonder what they talk about and why he feels the need to keep in touch with her and stay friends with her. I'm actually at the point to where I don't want to become even more serious with him because I don't want to get hurt. I'm going to ruin my relationship if I don't stop acting like this. Hopefully someone has went through this and can give me advice on what to do.Thanks
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 October 2013):
 from my experience and perspective, if he is still holding onto hurt from their relationship, it means he is not fully over her. i am friends with all of my exes for the most part, and there is not one single one of them that i still harbor any ill feelings or hurt feelings from. once you move on and get over someone, that all just fades away.
this being said, i honestly do think it would be smart of you to put this relationship on hold until he doesn't still have hurt feelings over what happened in his past relationship. it's not fair and i certaintly wouldn't want to be with someone who still felt that way.
you mentioned not wanting to get more serious with him in order to prevent getting hurt. i think you're smart for feeling this way. i suggest backing off and telling him that once he's over his relationship with his ex, then to contact you.
good luck.
ps: you're not acting crazy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): This guy has no objection to treating you like an emotional leaning post while he pines to you about his EX gf that he was very serious with and who hurt him a lot? I'm sorry it must be hard for you to acknowledge that he is using you as a rebound/ stop gap like caring guy said, as you care about him, but to an outsider it's crystal clear-He's far from being over her- he's still so troubled he can't even contain pining to you- his CURRENT gf about her- this alone would give most people the incentive to just get the hell out of that "relationship", do you think it's acceptable if you were pining for the ex in this way to him? Listen to your gut, cos you will get hurt if you get further involved with him. And it's NOTHING to do with you, it's not a personal thing... He still just has severe hang ups about that relationship- he needs to get over it himself though and not be using anyone else as a rebound. It's just not on... Call it a day x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2013):
If I'm being honest, I'm not sure that you should be with this guy. And that's not because of you, and it's nor your fault. To be friends with an ex you got on with is one thing, but to be in contact with one who acted the way she did, isn't a god sign. I don't think he's really over her, and I think it will be a while before he is. It seems to be me that you're being used as a bit if a rebound, or stop-gap whilst he gets over her. You're right to be thinking about not getting more involved.
If he was truly over her, I would have expected him to have cut contact, and not have been telling you all the time that he was hurt, and he can't believe what she did to him. I was cheated on, and it took me a bit of time to get over, but I don't go on about it, and I actually don't hold a grudge or anything anymore.
Until he lets this one go, he will not be a good boyfriend. You're better off moving on from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): I think he needs to appreciate what he's got before he loses you too. I personally would not be in a relationship if my partner was lamenting over times spent with someone else and still feeling hurt by it. Other only reason he'd feel hurt is because he's probably not over her yet.I would initiate a break and tell him that you aren't going to give 100% of yourself to a relationship if he's not. He might see what a fool he's being then.
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