A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So last night after going out with my friend I told her that I liked her. She was a bit shocked but proceeded to tell me that she was not rejecting me but simply saying no for the time being because of circumstances in both of our lives at this point. She said that maybe in the future we could date but for now its a no go.When she said that to me I was disappointed and happy at the same time because it meant that there was still a chance and that she did have feeling for me. Now, having thought about it, was she just super nice in actually flat out rejecting me?Also, we decided that we would continue being friends and that nothing would change between us. I was totally fine with that until I thought about the rejection thing. Now I kinda wanna just ditch her and move on, I've got enough 'just friends' girl friends.I'm seeing her in a few days again, how should I act. Should I make it known that I know that she rejected me nicely and tell her if thats the case i'm moving on to find other girlfriends and we can maybe continue being just friends? Or should I TRY to be like before when i flirted with her non-stop? I don't know, what do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): I would try and carry on as before. I think she was saying that she doesn't see your friendship developing into more. Don't see it as rejection, you can really like someone and even love them but not have the spark that leads to a more intimate relationship. That can sting if you are attracted to someone, but try not to over think things. Maybe see a bit less of her without seeming to be backing off.
A
male
reader, PrinceCharming +, writes (7 September 2011):
Sounds like she was being really nice because she doesnt want to lose your friendship.The next time you see her tell her that your sort of relieved that she said no because you cherish her friendship, but your lonely. Chance are she will feel bad for you and say well i could hook you up with one my friends, but if she doesnt ask her if she knows anybody.Its worth a shot right?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Yes, I think she was just super nice. " Circumstances" even the harshest and most punitive ones, never deter people if there is enough attraction ,enough spark. I know women who date guys who are in jail, or terminally ill, or live thousands of miles away. She was letting you down easy.
How do you treat her ? Normally, I'd say. If she's your friend you don't want to punish her because she does not like you romantically,right ? Tune down the flirting though, probably she enjoyed the bantering before ,now it could be a tad embarassing for both of you.
And you are also justified if you start spending less and less time with her , in pursuit of other girls, after all , like you said, you've got plenty of female friends, what you need now is a girlfriend. But you don't need to make any clumsy, heavy official proclamations- let it happen naturally, your friend will surely understand .
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Be the same and flirt. If she flirted back, then you are good.
I do escorting for fun sometimes, and I bring that out into the real world (never fucking in escorting, btw). I always flirt with women and what not. The married women that I know like me will flirt back and/or initiate flirting.
Women that flirt back like you.
You will not get a positive flirt if they don't like envisioning what that flirting is about.
An example would be saying something like, "Don't make me take my belt off" if she gives you a hard time in a flirtatious way.
If she likes the idea of being spanked by you with a belt, she will smile. If not, she will not flirt or will display subconscious signs of not enjoying that thought.
Point being that you still have a shot, when you two flirt she enjoys envisioning what you are flirting about, and that even if she is a little taken aback by some form of flirting, just back off slightly.
You are good my man. Keep that goin.
Don't be phased by her reaction.
Its not a no until she says no. And then you can still back up and show you don't mean any harm, and then ask the reason why. Sometimes there are small forms of miscommunication that can be big.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): i think she was probably just trying to be nice and spare your feelings. but why the sudden desire to ditch her? that's a little harsh.
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