A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is not a romantic relationship question but more a friendship one and I hope this is accepted and someone can shed some light on it for me as I can not think clearly and still hurt very much over it.My friend and I have known each other our whole lives, we grew up next door to other and i saw her as a sister i cared that much for her. We have been through so much, my family has been through tragedy of the worst kind and she has seen all that i have been struggling with to cope with it etc., Always was there for her, cancelled nights out with others when she needed me as a shoulder to cry on or just to cheer her up. I took the day off work for her wedding day (wasnt invited to actual do just evening do as it was a small wedding) to help her out, that morning i was up at 8... doing nails, make-up helping them all get dressed etc etc. tidied up her house when they were at the ceremony for when they got back, made fresh sandwiches for them and guests on return (got no thanks from her when i think back, but i didn't do all that just to get recognition for it)... She found out she was expecting again and said to me am to be Godmother and promised me etc etc.. i said i didnt mind if she sure cus she has sisters etc and she said no definitely me because i would be a good role model and she couldnt think of anyone else she rather have so i was delighted (1st time for me, have no godchildren)... left it at that... months rolled on,baby born... i go and buy gifts and also an outfit for the christening as it was a very big deal to me... got worried as she never ever mentioned it to me re- godmother duties, christening details etc... she started avoiding me, wouldnt answer the door to me quite a few times so i left it for her to get in touch with me... heard nothing and decided just to text asking her for details and she said i not to be godmother etc etc.. i said that fine but could have told me sooner (had my hopes up big time).. so time went on heard nothin of christening so again i had to make contact with her and it had all be arranged for the upcoming weekend but that she didnt tell me because it was only for family small do can't afford much more... i said i understood that but to keep me out completely really hurt my feelings. Anyway, day of christening i find out she lied... there were a crowd of people at the house afterwards... family and "friends" of all kinds... except me.. i never felt so so so neglected and hurt she didn't have to do that on me. I had had enough so i left it... never bothered with her until i heard she had a bit of bother and so i immediately contacted her to say sorry bout her troubles and to ask if she ok what happened etc etc could i help etc etc... she ignored my calls and texts but i didnt stop until she replied... a week later... very dry, short and sweet, so i tried to sort things out with her (even though i did nothing wrong, and it was her that went all cold hearted and uncaring towards me, nasty to me) but she never responded back. And to this day, nothing, that was four months ago. I don't understand. I feel used and abused just when she needed the help she wanted me and when things were bad she wanted me but now all is good and happy and she doesn't need help she ignores me, and worst of all after everything i have done for her through the years... this is how she treats me. Despite all that.. i still actually care for her and worry about her but why should i when she clearly doesn't! Was she ever a friend in the first place? I have made no contact since because it is up to her to make touch with me and she only lives a street away! Or should I swallow my hurt and just make contact with her? What would you do. Someone who is true to me told me that she is no friend to have treated me the way she did, no friend would disown you, hurt you deliberately (yes she knows she hurt me i told her and she never acknowledged it) and no friend would go without contact as they would be thinking of you and wondering how you are so they would make contact themselves etc.. I am a very good friend to have so i have been told by many people... am i wasting it sitting waiting and expecting her to call with me? I would love to hear other people's opinions..Please help thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much. I know now what to do now and have taken on board your advices much appreciated :D It's just hard when they have been a big part of your life and you have to cut them off and am a little angry at myself for letting myself be such a good friend to her and helping her the way i have done over the years, it's like i brought it on myself because it's not the first time she has turned on me but i always forgive and forget am a real softy and she knows all too well what i am like. But this time, when she tries again she will be in for a shock, it won't be the forgiving softy softy Me that she will see anymore.
:D
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Its sounds like she cast you aside when she was done with you, you're services were no longer needed. If you never got a thank you or any recognition despite all that you have done for her then she was never really your friend. A friend keeps the relationship balanced and repays the favor whenever you need her. Friends don't lie, use you as a maid or party planner, they don't tell you that you're their baby's godmother then take it back, they certainly say thank you whenever you have gone out of your way, and when a problem arises between you they address it not ignore you completely. Cut your losses, this is one person you do not want to be friends with. Just know that you are a great friend, and pay attention a little closer so someone doesn't use you like that again.
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