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female
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anonymous
writes: i just started a new job literally a week ago. Unfortunately my manager's mother passed..i actually don't even have an official work e-mail yet; still waiting for the process to be done. So i hear it through word of mouth. I feel bad but i figured i would just give a card. Someone put me on the spot and asked if i was going to the wake..i actually sounded suprised and said no, no..and they just continued to look at me like i was the biggest jerk or something.I am a very good person but i don't see it as necessary at all to go this wake when i have only been here a week. I don't even have e-mail yet. I responded by saying where is it anyway? to show i don't even have details on the matter.I could have gone but i actually felt awkward about even going..i dont know her well yet and it's not even like i have been there for a few months..it's a week..am i wrong? i will probably look like a bi*ch to some and give them reason to talk behind my back now..but logically i don't see why it would necessary for me to go..i feel a card is more than appropriate at this point..am i wrong??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I agree that a card is more than enough in this instance.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2011):
 A card is very appropriate for the situation. Going to the wake of someone you don't know, but whose "child" you will be working with soon, is not needed.
If that becomes a topic for them let them gossip.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (12 October 2011):
No you're not wrong for not going to the funeral, seeing as how you didn't know the mother or even your manager. In fact I think it's very strange and inappropriate for your new coworkers to expect that you would attend. Don't let that get to you, that coworker is the one who is behaving inappropriately, not you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): No that is completely reasonable. I actually think it is actually very rude to show up to funerals of people you didn't know very well, or at all. It seems wrong to intrude on someone else's grief like that, as it's such a sad time, and a very personal one. And especially a wake! that is not an occasion to turn up and chat with your new work mates at. that is an event for someone who is a close family member or very close friend, to say goodbye.
You were polite and considerate in getting the card, that is all you needed to do, don't worry about what anyone else might be thinking.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (12 October 2011):
Sending a card and expressing your condolences to your manager when next you meet is more than enough. You've just started your job, barely know him/her, and have never met the deceased. The manager has more on his or her mind at this stressful time than wondering whether you were at the funeral.
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