A
male
age
30-35,
*annyfresh xD
writes:Okay here's my problem and it's with the same girl Diedra, now we've started talking and stuff and she constantly tells me that I'm special to her and that she loves me and that she can talk to me about everything, now idk why but I say things that hurt her (knowing they do) like "oh imma kill myself" and all that other crap (I'm not really gonna kill myself). I know it hurts her and it also hurts me BUT I keep on doing it. And it's too the point now where she might stop talking to me cause I say it sooo much, and like I said idk why I'm doing it . I think I'm pushing away the one person who actually cares but not realizing what I'm doing HELP PLEASE!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I'm sorry but saying you are going to kill yourself and knowing you are not is ugly drama queen behavior that will end up hurting lots of folks including you should you ever NEED the help of someone when you are feeling that bad.
Clearly you DO realize you are doing things the wrong way. I strongly think that some time with a therapist to explore better coping skills and interpersonal skill development might be in order.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (12 October 2011):
Maybe you have a fear of intimacy - a fear of getting emotionally close and being vulnerable. Yet you do want that, because it's a basic human need to want to have intimate connections. So you feel conflicted - you want her to be focused on you, to feel connected to her, yet you also feel uncomfortable or afraid opening up to her and exposing your vulnerabilities so the only way you know to get her to remain "connected" to you is to say outrageous things to ensure she will keep her attention on you.
you really should learn better interpersonal skills because you will drive her away with this behavior if it continues. From her perspective, you're playing mind games with her. She may sense that you want or need something from her but are not saying what instead you're toying with her emotions (in this case her concern for you and her desire to have a real connection with you which you're not reciprocating).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I've got a feeling you like Diedra's attention, but you aren't really comfortable with her loving you or her expectations of you... even though it seems like you might be lonely and awfully depressed. You care for her, but you don't care that much and it's a hard thing to convey. Take a time out, don't hang out with Diedra for a while, tell her you need some alone time and work through your feelings with yourself. Talk to someone else. Do you have access to a counselor?When you come to some conclusion about what you're feeling, I would first confront and try to change why you feel lonely and what you can do about it. I would try to work out the reasons why you threaten suicide with people you care about. When you get some inner clarity, you might want to let Diedra know in a clear and honest way what you're going through, and what you do or don't feel for her.Good luck.
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