A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 35 of 7 months has said he doesn't know how he feels and wants some time away from each other. We have been very up and down lately. My brother died in an accident three months ago and my aunt is terminally ill. I've been upset and very up and down and he doesn't seem to be able to cope which I understand. I told him we need to finish if that's what he really wants but he said he doesn't know and not to collect my things from his place. He's stressed out as he's so busy at work and feeling run down but is not reassuring me very much.....I feel lost but do love him. I've told him that's fine if that's what he wants though and there's no pressures from me.....but inside I'm heartbroken....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Thank you. I feel so let down. I haven't been angry or demanding just tearful in several occasions and in need of comfort from him right now. All through this I have also tried to be upbeat and not lean on him too much. If he said he loved me and needed space I could understand but to say he doesn't know what he wants but doesn't want me to collect my things or return his key hurts more. I don't want to be let down gently and told him this. He just said lets have time apart and will speak soon but there are no plans to meet. My family live away and I'm just back from visiting and it feels like he's disappeared. His dad died 3 years ago. I would have been his rock and still support him when he needs to talk. I went for dinner to meet his family one week after my brother died because it was important to him. I just feel very sad inside tgat he cant reassure me.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (3 December 2013):
 7 months is not a long time and he is probably working out whether you are the right person for him. Either way you need support for your own grief, from true friends, family or professionals. Whether he is with you or not you can still get through this difficult time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Grief is a very strong emotion, and it brings us down. Without knowing it, we may place a heavy burden on others to help us feel better; but we may show no signs of relief, in spite of their greatest efforts. Many men aren't always good handling tearful and emotion situations. Some really have the magic touch. I'm sorry you don't have that type. Get a medical exam just to make sure you aren't experiencingdepression. You should find a grief counselor and support group, to express your feelings and deal with your profound sadness and sense of loss. Remember, our friends and mates can only offer so much comfort; then it becomes tough. They can't share your feeling of loss. It's not as personal. You must turn to family, they share the loss and understand how you feel. They also need your emotional and moral support. This is a time to be close. If you're estranged from your family, don't expect your boyfriend to fill in for that. Fix it. His timing is awful, and he is being quite insensitive. Not being in his shoes, I can't judge him harshly; because I'm not there to see what he is experiencing; nor do I know his experience with dealing with death, grief, and other grieving people.You didn't have time to handle your grief before being hit with another family emergency. So you would find more solace in family than outsiders anyway. They need you around to help out. That will lighten your burden.If you have faith, attend worship. Be around to see to the needs of your ailing aunt. Run errands, clean her house,read to her, just keep busy. Be useful and supportive in helping others through their grief. Your boyfriend just can't deal with it. So go where you know everyone is feeling what you feel. Go home.
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