A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im very confused at the moment.7 days ago my ex fiance from 6 years ago contacted via email to do this facebook thing. i was happy to hear from him because i thought at last it was a chance to clear the air from the past. we had a very bad split whch resulted in me leaving the house and car with him. anyway accepted his link and had a look on his profile and saw he got married 4 months ago and loads of wedding photos etc which i have to admit i wasnt comfortable seeing. i then started to question why he wanted me as his "friend" after all i hadnt seen him for 6 years and we spoke briefly 4 years ago so i agonised over what was going on. i didnt sleep very well last week. anyway i spoke with a few friends and they werent happy and asked me why i wanted to torture myself looking at his profile so after a couple of nights i deleted it. i felt a fool because on his list of friends were people i knew before that remained in contact with him but not me and they probably thought what the hell was i doing on his friends list next to his wife !so now what ive deleted him but im upset i keep thinking he done this to either stick two fingers up to me-if it was genuine surely he would have said something. can anybody help me get my head around this and tell me if my instincts were right ?
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facebook, fiance, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thanx for replying i guess youre both right ill never know now i just keep getting a niggling doubt it was to rub my face in it
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I don't think he meant to hurt you. As a guy, when I contact an "ex" I do it to know that they're doing well and keep in touch. Making friends through facebook just lets you do that passively. All those wedding pictures may not have been his idea. I personally don't want my pictures up on facebook but my wife does have our wedding pictures up. I suppose it's her way of marking me as married. Finally, it's hard to say something when someone accepts you as a friend on facebook then deletes you.
In summary this is how the guy world works:
1) Contacts you but doesn't think you even like him that way.
2) Glad that you accepted him as a friend.
3) Completely clueless as to why you deleted him but maybe you don't like him for some reason? Women are so hard to understand. If you liked him you would've stayed so knowing that he's married now shouldn't make a difference. Since you deleted him it means you don't even want him as a friend so there's no reason to contact you further.
No malicious thought through this entire process.
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A
male
reader, LoveDocBruce  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 You know, maybe he just wanted to see how you were doing. I bet it was genuine. I would find his profile, send him a message, but don't add him to your friends list.
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