A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, there's this boy that I've known for a few months now. We get along really well, and we've been flirting quite a bit. I didn't really want to admit to anyone that I liked him because I wasn't quite ready to admit it myself, but after I did I told one of my closest friends (let's call her Martha). I told Martha, "I think I like 'Mark'". She says bluntly, "Mark likes 'Amy'. He told me he wants to ask her out." Of course I'm hurt (mostly cause Amy is a... well, you know what I want to say. Anything that doesn't show her boobs makes her feel like she's suffocating), but I'm also a little bit hurt. She was very blunt about it without any consideration for my feelings. However, I knew that Mark had asked Amy out a good while ago, but Amy turned him down. Knowing this, I asked Martha when he told her this she said recently, when I asked her how recently, she said, "I dunno, it was awhile ago." This reply confused me: hadn't she just told me "recently?" Her incongruent reply made me wonder if she was just being catty with me because she had recently been turned down (for a second time) by the boy she likes. She has been turned down by every guy she ever asked out. She's beginning to feel like there's something wrong with her, but two out of the three guys were not good guys for her, so I'm glad it didn't work out. Of course I didn't tell her I was glad because I didn't want her to think that I was happy she was upset. For all of her successes, I've been happy with her and for her, and for the most part she's done the same for me. But this recent thing with me, Mark, and Amy is making me wonder if she was just saying what she said because she was jealous, or because it was true? I haven't even asked her if SHE liked Mark, and if she does then this changes a lot, right?Ugh, I'm sorry this came out so confusingly, but all of this is making me feel very angry towards Martha, and I've been such good friends with her. I love her a lot and don't want to lose her friendship over something as potentially silly as this, but I also don't want to lose what could be a great relationship. I really like Mark, and I feel like Martha was only trying to make me feel insecure about myself.Please help! Any advice at ALL would be greatly appreciated!
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female
reader, kaykay1989  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I would say don't throw away a great friendship over something so silly. Equally it doesn't mean you should throw away a potential relationship with Mark. I think maybe she was being catty because she hasn't been having a great time with relationships, but it was the spare of the moment thing i wouldn't take it personally. I think that maybe from now on just keep what ever your feeling or he's feeling to yourself and not to get to carried away with it all until he's confirmed his feelings for you. Flirting doesn't always mean to much people flirt all the time. I don't want to put you on a downer but just be careful not to get to carried away you might end up getting hurt.
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