A
female
age
30-35,
*uubly100
writes:Hi thereLast night me and my flat mates went out and got very drunk togetherA song came on in the disco which reminded me of a friend who had passed away, so as i was drunk i got very emotional. My flat mates comforted me and were very nice, so then i felt much better and we went homeWhen we went home i went straight to my room, and one of my flat mates followed. He gave me a hug and asked if i was ok- I said that was very sweet and i was fine just a bit drunk. then he turned towards the door, and i assumed he was going to his room, however he closed the door and then tried to hug me again. I didn't like it and said to stop. i climbed into my bed, however he then tried to spoon me?!! I said to leave please, and he got up to go just as my other flat mate opened the door and was like "what on earth is going on here"I now feel like ive done something horribly wrong? I feel really guilty. I have a boyfriend who i love so much and the flat mate has a girlfriend. I don't know why but it really scared me because he wouldn't stop hugging me when i told him to stop. and now im worried my other flat mate thinks something is going on between us when that is certainly not the case. I'm also worried because i feel that it is unacceptable to try and spoon a girl in bed when he has a girlfriend and knows i have a boyfriend. I just feel horribly guilty, but i cant work out if i have actually done something wrong or whether he was trying to use me? He gets very touchy feely when hes drunk-a lot of my friends have commented.I told my boyfriend that my flat mate was trying to hug me inappropriately, and it made me uncomfortable, but i did not tell him he attempted to spoon me. Should I have done? I dont want to worry my boyfriend, But i feel horribly guilty about the whole situationI feel better having told my boyfriend what happened, but now i have this bizare guilty feeling that i did something wrong? Im very funny about other people hugging me ESPECIALLY in a bed, I think that is reserved for me and my boyfriend, not me and a friend. my flat mate is supposed to be one of my best friends so i am very shocked at his behavouriour when i told him to stop hugging me and he didn't immediately I spoke to my house mate this morning and he apologised and said he was only trying to help because he thought i was crying. please comment on what you think of the situation.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 June 2015):
 Was he drunk too?
Some people get a little to touchy feely when drunk and don't follow common sense - NOT that I am excusing his behavior, but in his mind he might have thought:" oh I should hug he and make her feel better." I had a male friend who who "smack/pull" your bra if he saw the strap (dumbass) if he was drunk, when he was sober he never did it. He did that FOR years (even though all the females TOLD him to not do it.) We actually ended up giving him a VERY atomic wedgie to make him understand how uncomfortable it was..
YOU didn't DO anything wrong. You told him no, and stop.
HOWEVER - I would sit him down and tell him, HERE are my boundaries, DO NOT cross them EVER. Be firm. Hopefully he will understand THE first time.
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