A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lately, I'm slowly falling into a deep depression. I'm 26 and getting older. My nieces and nephews are going to high school and life is changing. My family has always put this immense pressure on me to have this life that was just not destined for me to have. My sister would often make remarks that I never went to concerts, or parties, festivals, vacations or done fun stuff that most young people do and now that I'm almost 30 time is closing in. She along with my mother and even father say similar things. when I argue that I did stay out late with friends my sister immediately argues its not true. It's like she wants to falsely portray me in the worst light possible. I actually did do some partying in my early 20s with friends, and even recall staying out late a lot, however they refuse to even acknowledge it. I did some risque things that they were not aware of it. But due to my financial status, I couldn't afford to keep staying out late and living the fun life because I didn't have a lot of expendable money. I worked minimum wage jobs that gave part time hours and even went through some periods of unemployment. I just didn't have the resources to live this big fun party life that they keep saying I should have, because we are not wealthy. You need money, nice clothes, and resources to live like that. I was too busy trying to find a job, finish school, etc. Some weekends I couldn't go anywhere because I needed to save my gas money so I could get to work or use it to go job hunting, etc Now, I am back on track and have a steady job and more money than I did back then. I have more money in my bank account ever in my life! But this isn't enough. They complain that I work too much and life is passing me by. My mother even tried to encourage me to quit my job and find one with less hours. She constantly wondering why I don't have a man, or why I haven't had kids yet. My mother tells me that my niece who will be starting high school is gonna pass me up in life by getting married, have children, and a nice home before I do. She even told me that my life makes her sad because I dont have a man and never had enough fun! My father expresses sorrow about my life as well. I dont think my life is that bad. When I speak to my mother there's this panic in her voice that she's going to surpass me. She constantly reminds me of my age and how little time I have left to accomplish anything. Everytime I talk to her she brings up my age. It's like they are determined to oppress me. Recently, they showed me Facebook pics of a cousin who bought a new house and car (not sure if its really hers cause she fibs a lot) and this is supposed to make me feel bad because I don't have that yet. Just about any and everybody is better and surpassing me in life. Lately, all they do is remind me of how much of a failure I am and act as if its too late for me to do anythingAll of this recent pressure has caused me to become incredibly depressed and inferior. When I visit them I don't feel confident, and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. They don't value me at all. I truly feel like a loser and I was beginning to feel good about myself since I've been working a lot and earning more money. There are days when I feel like quitting my job and just giving up. Why? I don't know why. It's not like I'm doing bad but the lack of approval and validation from my family hurts. I know people are going to say cut them out of my life but I want to know how to cope with this void. I feel so rejected. I feel like my existence is invalidated. Lately, I've been interested in having casual sex and bar hopping because of what I've been going through. My family keeps telling me this is how Im supposed to be. A party girl who has it all. However, if I were to start partying they'd complain that its too late and why did I wait so long. I just need some support right now because I feel terrible
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): For me "having fun" has always been walking through the countryside, listening to music in my car, supping tea with a friend and working hard, not partying, drinking and dating lots of men. That's just who I am. My sister is the opposite but l've never felt' inferior. I am am introvert and she is an extrovert.I went through a phase of going to pubs, getting very drunk and having casual sex but I soon realised it didn't suit me. You have more money so if you want to try new things then do, but not because other people want you to. I think your family are projecting their insecurities onto you. You have studied, worked hard and live within your means. What's not to like about that? Don't cut yourself off from them, just explain who YOU are. In one's 20s it's easy to feel a lot of peer pressure with regard to how well other people are doing but life isn't like that. It's full of ups and downs and not a competition. I didn't buy a house or meet my husband until my 40s by which time some of my friends were divorced and renting again. At 26 you are still young and have plenty of time to achieve in life all the things you want and meet someone special. Don't feel you've missed the boat but don't put your life on hold either.
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