A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to give some facts before I start, as I think they are important to my question.I am 30 years old, very well educated to PhD level.My parents divorced when I was 17, and I have always lived at home - please don't judge me for this, there are a number of reasons, both financial and emotional.I have tried bringing up the idea of moving out, but this is usally met with hysterical crying and emotional pleading that she doesnt want to be alone.My mum has always been an emotional type, and when divorcing my father hit rock bottom on many occasions. There were many times I feared for her sanity and worried myself sick she would do something stupid while I was at school, to the point I would hide pots of paracetamol and the kitchen knives.She has always been very overprotective of me, since I was a child, and this has not stopped even now. Due to her bad relationship with my dad, and the traumas of the divorce and other situations she has been in since, it has always been just me and her. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I love him dearly, andhe loves me. We fit together and I feel totally comfortable with him. His mum passed away earlier in the year after living with her, and he has now been living with me and my mum at home.In the beginning my mum was fine with this. Now she seems to take every opportunity to shout, cry and generally make life miserable. the last 10 weekeneds have been ruined by various emotional outbursts, usually directed at me about him. He is taking me away from her, he is not pulling his weight, he is going to ruin my life, how life is no longer the same. How im not the same person I used to be and that ive CHANGED. Im now cold, heartless and selfish. I have tried so hard to make everyone happy. I have been there for my mum so much over the last few years, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend. Its lke I have to choose and I don;t know what to do! I am so greatful for my mum giving him a home, but right now it seems like I have to stop seeing him to make her happy. She wants it to just be her and me again. For the rest of her life. How do I fix this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 I have to be honest, if you have to choose, choose your boyfriend.
Your mom is being manipulative and childish. Even parents can be childish and selfish.
IF you and the boyfriend can afford it, MOVE OUT. If mom pitches a fit, tell her to "GET A LIFE" if she is mentally unbalanced get her the help she needs.
It's not a child's job to be the parents friend...
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 Before I answer I need a bit more information. Are you in a position to move out on your own? Financially I mean. How about your boyfriend? If you stop seeing him, I gather that means he'll have to move out. Where will he go?
What kind of relationship do you have with your father? Do you have other relatives nearby? Your mum's relatives or your dad's? Does your mum have any friends? Does she work? Does she have a decent enough income that she can live on her own?
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A
female
reader, lavarah +, writes (17 December 2012):
you should do whats is best for your relationship and if that means leaving your mom thats what you have to do. You are a 30 year old woman you have to let your mom know this. I also undetstand your concern for her. But your leave may also help her find hapiness in her life again. It could also relueve you of your pain. If shes saying things like that about your relationship she prob. means well she doesnt want you to get hurt but you have to go ahead and work on finishing a life of your on. pleaz respond back so i knw that youve gotten my answer.
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