A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys :)I would really appreciate some insight on an issue! In the past 3 years (basically since I started dating), I've been badly hurt by 2 men. I was involved with each of them for around a year, so they wasn't exactly short-term relationships.Just to give you a clearer picture, I'll explain both instances in more detail! Person A: A great boyfriend who treated me with respect and was affectionate towards me too. He was forever expressing to me how lucky he was to have a woman like me in his life! and once even asked “What is a girl like you doing with a guy like me?” not having much confidence in myself, I simply just replied that I am no better than him, and turned the attention towards his amazing qualities instead! It didn't take long until I became smitten, he was always so considerate and kind towards me, not to mention his good looks and charm. He suddenly broke up with me (online - not even in person!) with an unlikely reason. Then that was it, we were over. Person B: A guy who started out as a friend but quickly turned into something more. He defined the 'ideal' man (even more so than person A) and we had such a strong emotional connection, which I'd never experienced with anyone before! He told me he loved me within just a few weeks and it took a little longer until I realised I felt the same way. He was very unsure of himself as a person and could never understand what I saw in him! which really upset and frustrated me. To cut a very long and draining story short; following months of leading me to believe we had a future together, he ditched me to be in a relationship with another woman (who, in my opinion appeared 'cheap' - the sort of woman you would see standing on a street corner). He didn't even explain himself to me, so I cut off all contact with him. What confuses me is how everything was going so well with them both and then out of nowhere I get stabbed in the heart? I assume a few of you could think I caused this upon myself, and yes, that is possible. I am by no means 'perfect' but I can assure you that I was a good girlfriend and tried my very best to make them feel special. I was never needy or anything like that, I am a laid-back yet loving person with a good heart. So bearing this information in mind, would any of you agree that low self-esteem plays a part? Did 'Person A' want to feel superior and hurt me before I had chance to hurt him? Did 'Person B' lower his standards so that he felt more of an equal? Or have I just been unlucky in love?All opinion's welcome, and they are very much appreciated :)
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broke up, confidence, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (28 November 2011):
There is a difference between making someone feel special and completely compromising who you are for the sake of being in a relationship. I have a really strong feeling that you are being who the guy wants you to be instead of just being yourself.
You can't have a healthy relationship when the focus is only on one person. You have to accept that even though you have low self esteem, someone cares about you for who you are...not who they may seem to want you to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I personally think you are reading too much into both of these.
It could be that both guys just grew out of love. Guys aren't the best at saying what they feel, or saying what their reasons are. It sounds like they found it easiest just to end it without too much explanation.
It could also be about you but its hard to say just based on your description.
I mean it sounds from what you say that both guys were fantastic, treated you well but you say nothing really about how you were towards them (besides being a good girlfriend). You are also so young what 18-21? So these relationships are young and fresh and new. Its even possible that they weren't into something committal and moved on because you felt more committed than them.
As I said, this is all assumption, I have no idea but its really hard to answer your question and I think you are reading too much into it, it could be anything!
Take both wonderful guys as an experience that is now passed. Learn from the experience and let yourself date some other guys!
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