A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 33. She is 30. Last year I met her and she was the best woman I have ever met. Gorgeous woman, had her own home in a great part of town, was referring to me moving in with her but for some reason I decided it wouldn't work. I ended up meeting some chick who dated me for 4 1/2 months just to piss off her ex husband. Now I have gone through this year long phase of growing up emotionally and realising how ignorant I was of how awesome Ms 30 really was. What in the world was I thinking? Now she has some one and she is very happy with him. All I can do is sit and think of how stupid I was. I'm 33 and I feel like I've lost out on any option of every finding the woman of my dreams. I know this is a bunch of woe is me crap but I miss her so much and hate the pain that I put her through when we broke up. You truly don't know what you've got til it's gone. I emailed her about how stupid I was and got no reply but I expected that. What can I do now? Does any one have any tips on getting her back when she is happily with someone else?
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female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Even if you don't get her back, I hope you are passing this around the guys' circle as a testament to good women. There have been far too many stories about young men following a nice piece of ass out the door to have it slammed in their face and locked once they want back in.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Nope. You don't get her back when she is happily with someone else. That's a no-no. She'll lose respect for you if you try, if that respect hasn't been lost already when you dumped her for no apparent reason.
Have you thought about why you did what you did? Why you left someone who made you happy, only to enter a fling with someone who didn't care for you, and ultimately didn't treat you right? Is this a pattern in your dating life? Playing hobby shrink, such a pattern means you do not love yourself, and don't think highly of yourself. This is why many women stay with cheaters and men that are no good for them, they don't think they deserve better. And if they end up in a relationship with someone who is actually good for them, they get so scared they leave the relationship, because in the end they think they are bound to screw it up anyway.. Because they don't think they are worth it.
Do you feel that maybe this woman was too good for you? That she was better than you and above you? She had her own home, her own life, she didn't need a man to fulfill her... and maybe her independence scared you. You though, what can you offer her that she doesn't already have? What purpose can you play in her life? She'll find someone better eventually...? Did you think these things?
Why did you think your relationship with her wouldn't work? And why were you scared to see if it could or couldn't, and left the relationship before things had played out? This sort of behaviour reminds me of someone with little or no confidence, and without much respect for themselves. You though you were a better match for a woman who simply used to you get back at her ex, than you were a match for this classy independent lady. Why?
When another chance at someone who is good for you come along, and it probably will, learn from your past mistakes and take that chance. It is scary to have something so good, because the thought that you might lose it is frightening, but you just got to stick to it and dare play it out and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Unfortunately you can only wait it out and see if she gives you a chance if not put this down to life experience...
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 November 2011):
 She is not available to you and in this situation one thing you can hope for (sad though it is) is if she breaks up with her current Beau. Even then that may not be enough, as she may not have forgiven you for how you treated her.
Alternatively you can try to be less negative. You are 33. I don't think your chances are all lost at all. Guys very successfully marry after 30 and even after 40 or more.
Perhaps this may help?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
You can also get on with your life by developing some other directions that could lead to the love of your life, who you may or may not have met yet.
(1)Such as joint the mailing list for a couple of quality Art Galleries (where they Auction Art) as you are likely to meet discerning interesting ladies at these functions.
(2) Join A group working on an Interesting Volunteer Community project to assist a project in your city or to assist a group of people in your city.
(3) Join some gourmet cooking classes. Always great women, many single, in these classes.
(4) Read more and read more widely to ensure you have some knowledge of a wide range of subjects - that way you can contribute to conversations better/
(5) Join a Gym that is in the city and is known to have an excess of Female clients.
(6) do a little overseas travel to out of the way places. You will meet more interesting people that way.
(7) If she does break up with her current guy write her an apology letter.
Hope some of this works and bring you into contact with some awesome ladies.
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