A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't think my boyfriend trusts me. He took my phone and was about to read my texts but I took it from him. He got all mad at me and said what are you trying to hide etc. and tried to take it back. I said why do you have to do that you don't trust me?" Well I talk to guys, but just as friends. And I tell him they're friends, nothing more. I'm in love with him and I would never cheat. But he always think I'm trying to cheat on him.. and just because I took my phone back doesn't mean I'm hiding something. I just want him to trust me and not have to look at my phone so he can trust me. Later that night when I wasn't with him I apologized and said I just want you to trust me. He said he really does he just scared of losing me. We almost broke up last week by the way. So what should I do about this? Was it wrong of me to take my phone back from him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): It wasn't wrong of you at all. My boyfriend never looks at my phone, though when hes having an intense text conversation with his best friend him and i are usually both looking at the texts. Sometimes he won't let me look at them, and then I would accuse him of talking to his ex girlfried, which he does still talk to. But usually if i say that, he will hand his phone to me for me to look. I never do. It's a trust thing. I would tell him that it's your phone, you would never cheat on him, nor talk to guys about it, but they are your private conversations and if you wanted him to see the coversations, you would show them to him. Though this does sound too defensive, i would try to find a way to make it not sound as defensive.
A
female
reader, alexa_f88  +, writes (13 January 2009):
It was definitely not wrong of you to take your phone back. It's your property, and up to you who you text and what you text. He's just being insecure.
My ex was like that. Deep down, he knew there was nothing for me to hide, but the fact that I'd never leave my phone lying around after that made him more suspicious.
If it continues to be an issue, you might find it easiest to show him once. Tell him it's the only time he'll have to look. In the end, he has to decide whether to trust you or not. You can't have a relationship where he doesn't trust you. Why do you think I said my ex? ;)
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (13 January 2009):
 No it wasn't wrong of you to take your phone back. It's your phone, and you have a right to have male friends. (at least he didn't do what my boyfriend did and smash up my phone because on of our mutual guy friends kept calling.) Guys who insist on snooping, spying or demanding information of you are just insecure. On the other hand, the fact that you took your phone back so quickly probably made him even more insecure and suspicious. I suggest telling him if it's that big of a deal to him, he can go through your phone just this once but after that he can shut the hell up and not make it an issue again. (and if you do have something to hide, make sure to delete it.)
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