A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Is it ever O.K. for a man to hit, push, and rough-house a woman? My boyfriend of three years bruised me up pretty bad a few weeks ago, but claims he had the right to do it, saying he was defending himself. What happened was, I ended up slapping him in the face after her said some really horrible things to me. This gave him reason to come at me so he says. He is twice as strong as I am and scared me pretty bad.He apologized, but claims I initiated it, and therefore, I am the one to blame for the whole mess. (He by the way, ended up without one single bruise)What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (13 August 2008):
 no its never ok to hit push a woman or rough house if he did horrible things to you you had to defend your self idk if you should stay with him....hope this helps!
A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Yes it is scary, I've been there, so I know exactly how you're feeling. I hate to say this, hun, but it'll go on, and it's not going to stop there, and don't you dare let him convince you otherwise.
If he's done it once he'll do it again and again. He's got it in him. He'll never change and never lose that urge to strike. Once a woman beater ~ always a woman beater.
So what if you slapped him? He was nasty and verbally abusive to you, you were hurt and angry by his words. That does not justify his reasons, and give him the right to knock you about.
He was defending himself? That's bollox! {Scuse the Greek}And you say he's a big guy as well, twice your size? Well then that just proves to all that he's a coward and a bully.
Don't be fooled by his apologies either. The joke here is, he has the bloody cheek to apologise and STILL say it was your fault.
I'm sorry but you need to get as far away as possible from him, before he does any serious damage, and do what Collaroy said, tell everyone what he did, he doesn't deserve the respect of anyone who knows him. I only hope you don't love him.
For your own safety and sanity, just do it, leave him please. You look after yourself, you're worth ten thousand of the likes of people like him.
BigSis
xXx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Hi,
get out now.... it doesnt matter what you did no man should ever hit a woman - ever.
Tell everyone you know about it, he deserves to be outed in the community as a man who should be avoided at all costs.Go to the police. Do anything, but leave him now, pack your bags, if you think this isnt the start of it you are kidding yourself, you will simply be in for more beatings.
Leave now, and call the police. If you have brothers who will defend you, tell them about him. Hopefully he will learn a lesson the hard way if he tries again.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Its not ok for a man to hit a woman
Its not ok for a woman to hit a man
End of
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Defending yourself is a thing personal to each individual. Consider it like a countries war policy. This will vary from person to person, their is no written rule.
By slapping him you breached an unacceptable boundary, he reacted according to his policy.
Their is no right or wrong answer.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Your not at fault for him hitting regaurdless of how it started. He should have had enough control over his own emotions to stop himself before it got to that point. You shouldn't have slapped him but just because you did doesn't mean he's entilled to hit you back. I'm wondering did he really hit you or was he just pushing you away to protect himself from getting slapped again.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 August 2008):
I would like to know what he said to you that cause you to slap him.
I know everybody else has said that you shouldn't have slapped him, but if he said some nasty things...like REALLY nasty things, he could have deserved it. A slap in the face is nothing in comparison to what a man can physically do to a woman. But on the other hand, I do agree that anything as small as a face slap shouldn't occur, you really shouldn't lay your hand on another person.
Anyhow, he obviously has no self control. You slapping him in the face probably sent him over the edge since he was probably already fired up, which caused him to retaliate in physcial abuse. Any REAL man would have taken the slap and walked away; not "defended" himself. Defend himself against what? He really thought you were going to kick his ass? PLEASE!!!
He apologized but blamed you for it. It's not your fault he can't control his rage. You probably shouldn't have slapped him, but he made the decision to hit you back. You didn't grab his arm and make him hit you. He made a choice to physcially harm you. Everything anybody does is a CHOICE and they have nobody to blame but themselves!
So in the end, he is going to do this again. Even if you don't hit him or slap him he'll blame you for "setting him off" and tell you that you're at fault for his actions. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (11 August 2008):
 You shouldnt have slapped him but that doesnt give him the right to hit you back, be careful as he may do it again now that he has crossed that line x
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 August 2008):
 It's hard to say without knowing exactly what you did, and exactly what the rough-housing involved, but my position is this:
1) Men should never hit or physically oppress or hurt women
2) Having said that, women also shouldn't do the same to men
3) If you slap him, you make things difficult, because he's right that you initiated the physicality of the argument, so in one way one could say it's his right to retaliate. However, see point (1) - you slapped him in rage - he wasn't really being physically threatened - so he should have restrained himself. And certainly there was no excuse for prolonged rough-housing.
I think he goaded you so much that you just snapped, and slapped him. He shouldn't have done that, but then neither should you. Then he shouldn't have hit you back. So he did two things he shouldn't, and you one.
But the bigger picture here is that he's crossed a line, hasn't he? He's scared you. He's turned on you in anger. And when a man does that, it's usually different to when a woman does that, although sometimes the edges are a bit blurred. I don't know how you slapped him, or how hard, but he's right that you shouldn't have done it. However, that's not enough of an excuse for him having done what he did.
He was wrong. He initiated the abuse, and he then went too far. You were defending yourself all the way through - only that. I think it was very bad of him and if it was me, it might be too bad a thing for him to have done for me to forgive him. And remember, now he's done it once, he might again. If he loved you and cherished you, he wouldn't raise his hand in anger against you. Nope. You did provide the physical flashpoint, but it wasn't all your fault. If you're to stay together, you both need to promise never EVER to hit out again.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (11 August 2008):
 No! it is never okay for a man to hit a woman! If you havent finished with him, i would end it with him, because, if you put up with it, it could turn into serious domestic abuse, as he may think he can walk all over you!
I hope this helps
love and hugs,
tasha xx
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