A
female
age
41-50,
*ihar
writes:Hi everyone. I'm having a bit of a dilemma.I have been single for about 9 months after a bad break up of a long term rship. I had been hung up on meeting someone but then decided not to let this be my focus and and then suddenly i started meeting people. Always goes that way.So at the weekend, i was out on a girls night and feeling really happy and yes a bit drunk. I was en route from one bar to another and walking ahead of my friends and ended up walking with a lovely guy who was lagging behind his friends. We started talking and there was instant chemistry. The next thing i know we were holding hands?! It felt like the most natural thing. I dont think thats happened to me drunk or sober before. Anyhow, we all went to the same bar and i was a little more carefree than him. I liked him a lot but i was more blase at the time. He offered to get me a drink and we chatted a lot more than i realised until the following day. He is 4yrs younger than me and seems quite serious and kissed me. There was unbelievable chemistry. Anyway we discussed going back to the hotel he was staying at. It just felt like we couldnt not. Ive never done that and when i asked him if hed done it before he thought i was joking and very seriously told me that he doesnt do stuff like that. We agreed it was chemistry. My friend said he seemed smitten and couldnt take his eyes off of me when i was in and out of his reach. I was definitely the cooler of the two of us, he was so romantic and almost loving, saying he was so glad he had met me and that we should meet up again and swap numbers etc, he was very complimentary. I dont think i really replied so much. When i left, i said shall we swap numbers then and so we did and he said text me any time. Then next day he sent me a msg saying he hoped i had a good night, that he did. I replied that i did and it was fun. The next day i thought i would send another text because lifes too short to play ames and i said if you do fancy meeting up sometime let me know and he wrote back an hour later saying yeah that'll be cool. So now what? Does it sound like he was just being polite here? How long do i wait? And is it a bad sign that he didnt try to actually pin somethin down? It was only monday since we text. He's 26 so he's qquite young but he's made an impression on me. I dont know what i want from him but i do want to meet but now im in a situation where i cant do anymore. So should i just accept it for what it was? I remember saying when i was leaving him, that i felt like a terrible person for coming back and he was like "please dont say that!" He seemed so much more emotional than me....strange! Im sorry for the long story!! But it may give context. And that i am like a teenager at 30. Cringe.
View related questions:
drunk, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (8 March 2013):
If he's not local than you should be Facebook buddies that can occasionally meet up for a no strings date.
I wouldn't bother pursuing it as anything more unless he's close enough to visit frequently.
A
female
reader, lihar +, writes (7 March 2013):
lihar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are right about "giving it up" too soon, but I knew what I was doing at the time, I didn't have any other expectations at all. I hadn't quite expected him to be so affectionate or to get in touch the next day. Why bother texting if you never plan to see someone again? That's why it threw me. But ultimately, you are right I guess, that was then and this is now and he could have easily changed from "we should meet up" when drunk to writing it off since.
He is not local, no we were both on a night out in a different town.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Well alcohol for sure clouds the issue.
you don't want to play games
you said you went back to his HOTEL... is he not local?
if he's not local then I might just chalk it up to a drunken fling... because LDRs are hard enough....
if you want to know for sure what's going on, then CALL HIM and ask him to go out on a specific day and time for say coffee or something so you can sit and talk soberly and get to know each other. His reaction will tell you what to do.... if he hems and haws then he's done... if he says sure but not that night but offers a different time, then for right now you are good to go... if he says no he can't but some other time and does not offer an option, then he's done.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): I think what bronze adonis has said is a very good generalisation. If a man wants a woman he will be on to it without wasting time, because he does not want anyone else beating him to it. Whatever he said to you, or however he treated you, men will not respect a woman who gives sex easily. They will see you as good for a night.
...............................
A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (6 March 2013):
 If we want a woman, us guys tend not to waste time. I think if he REALLY wanted to see you again, he would have arranged it with you asap.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Lol I actually thought you were about my age (21) when reading this hehe :) I think time will tell in this situation.. either is possible, some guys have one night stands and prefer to leave it at that, but not always. My relationship of 3 years basically started from a 1 night stand. I always played hard to get (not too much, but if a guy likes you he will make the effort.)
Wait and see, don't text him first, and if he truly likes you he will be in touch. But just wait about 2 weeks and if not move on :) that way, at least you have kept your dignity
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Hi
I would just try and smile then put it out of your mind. You met a stranger,had sex,ships that pass in the night. He probably thinks you do the same every weekend,he probably does, if he gets lucky.
Alchohol is a great aphrodisiac..next time take their number and no more.Things may progress with this guy but I doubt it as you've had sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): there are two likely outcomes to this:1. He really does like you and wants to see you again to see if this develops into somehting more, in which case he will text/call you most probably within the week. In my experience for what it's worth, a man will always contact you if he wants to see you. 2. He said 'that would be cool' when you cut your losses and said maybe you could meet again. This sounds a little bit of a different response to the 'emotional' 'loving' man you described the night you met him and slept with him. I am with you on the honesty front; why play games, you're not kids anymore and life is too short. this is the year 2013, why shouldn't you be the one to suggest seeing each other again. But the sad fact is that men will do, say, act however they will if they think it will lead to sex. I have no doubt there was chemistry between you, but that's what it was, sexual chemistry, and you acted on it. job done. A friend of mine used to say, 'why would a man buy the cow when he can have the milk for free?' I think at 26 he is probably living far more in the moment than you are at 30 with your relationship experience. He was attracted to you and probably could't believe his luck when you reciprocated. Unfortunately, this is the chance us women take when we go to bed with a man we've just met. He no longer needs to work for it. That's not to say he won't call or text and ask to see you again, or that it won't lead to something more, it might, and I hope it does. But don;t be too disappointed or down on yourself if it doesn't. You have made it clear by suggesting to see him again that you might want to see if there could be anything more between you. If he does, he will contact you. if he doesn't, try to keep it as a nice memory and do not allow yourself to get upset or angry. in the meantime i would get on with your life. good luck, i hope he calls! xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 March 2013):
It's hard to say until you meet each other sober. I've had many a drunken romance (not necessarily with sex) and in the morning I just feel like the connection was lost with the alcohol. I usually don't bother contacting them after that, or if I do it just seems like I'm talking to a stranger.
The important part for you is to stop giving it up for a little bit. Allow him to develop feelings in pursuit of sex. If you sleep with him again on your next date, you'll most likely become a booty call.
Also, don't be surprised if the sparks aren't there like last time, don't let that ruin things. You had a alcohol induced connection; a sober one takes a little bit of time.
...............................
|
