A
female
age
30-35,
*aregiver199124
writes:Brief description... My FWB and I bought feelings for each other. We have both been working a lot of conflicting hours. He asked me to be his and I thought it was a joke. We took FWB off the table. It can't work NSA if feelings are tied into it. FWB has been our relationship for years. So a couple nights ago, we both had the time to meet up and hang out. Talking between then and tonight.Well tonight. While we were hanging out, he leaned in and kissed me. I kept kissing him back, one thing lead to another and then I had an 'L' bomb dropped on me. I like him, and want to go further... But I don't know if he meant it, or said it because he thought that is what I wanted to hear... Was it heat of the moment, or serious? Any advice here? I am so off now.. Like I'm not uncomfortable... Just don't know where it goes from here.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 July 2016):
 Okay so it sounds like his head is all over the place and he does not know what he wants. So he may have told you he loves you, but he is not prepared to actually show you. If this was me I would leave it in his court now. Tell him you are stopping FWB situation as there are now feelings involved, if he is not ready for a relationship then you need to move on with your life. You need to tell him to give you the space and time to do that.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2016):
 Here's when it gets tricky. You can't pretend you didn't hear the L word and still treat him as casual. He will play mind games with you. He wants the girlfriend experience for 30 minutes at a time, once a week or fortnight then disappear for the rest.
I don't know if you said the L word back. Dropping the L bomb once can be impulsive, heat of the moment. Saying it twice can mean he wants you to say it back, or for you to fall in love. Achieving the goal of you falling in love then telling you he doesn't know if he can be with anyone, is beyond selfish. It's good that you clarified things rather than just go along with it. I bet he would never say it again, telling you that you are no fun and you ruin the moment.
If he "doesn't know" for 2 days, he's not going to know for a week, or months. Maybe you should tell him you are an all or nothing kind of girl. This is why FWBs can't last long because one of you will fall, only that guys are better at disconnecting. Women overthink.
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A
female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (24 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTonight was the night... After a meet up and being kissed, and catching an 'L bomb' and 2 days no talking, I asked if he was busy. I told him we needed to talk about this. I sent a message about exactly my feelings for him. After explaining a few things, in what I sent him... He told me that he doesn't know what he wants. He feels like we have a connection, but doesn't know if he can be with someone right now. I told him I didn't mean we need to move in together tomorrow, and got lol back. I told him I will over think everything, but need him to tell me how he feels. Again, lol. I told him good night and to sleep good. For 2 days I have thought about that 'L' bomb. I finally grow a pair and tell him how I feel, to the last bolt of lightning, and I get idk if he can be with someone right now... Any last advice before I just call it not going to happen?
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A
female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (23 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love myself. I have no lack of confidence, I just have a hard time reading things like this. We grew up on the same block. My longtime friends and parents have opinions based on the dumb kids we were growing up. I don't want to think about something like this, until I find something that isn't there.. Because I over think every single thing. I really think things would be awesome for us both, IF we took us to a more official level. So reading into this I have a biased opinion. Which is why I look to the advice you have to offer.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (22 July 2016):
You need to work on your confidence and self esteem, this guy told you he loved he, he shows you signs of love, he tells you he has feelings, but you keep on doubting him, because you wonder how can he love you? You need to learn to love yourself.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 July 2016):
When people drop the L bomb, it's more appropriate when you are sure the other person loves you back. Otherwise it is just heat of the moment. What he meant is that he has strong feelings for you. Maybe he said it to see if you can say it back. You are not sure where it goes because you went against the casualness. What changed is the arrangement, you are exclusive and you probably won't get together for just sex. What didn't change is the work schedule. You will still have a hard time squeezing time in. For a relationship to work, you need time and effort to nurture it. Talk it over with him and see if this is worth it. Pause for a moment and don't let feelings get ahead of you. Worrying that you will find time for other guys is also not a good reason alone to possess you. Instead, think, are you both emotionally ready for a relationship? What are your goals for the next 5 years? Do you want the same things like marriage and kids for the future? Are you both okay with living together without marriage? Would either of you have a problem that you started casual and start obsessing about past partners?
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