A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing a guy in September last year. We do work together and have done for a few years and always get on. Another colleague told me that this guy quite liked me so we started talking and went on a couple of dates and started seeing each other. We then ended it at the beginning of this year, not my decision it was his which I understood but we did stay friends and chatted now and then.We have recently started talking a bit more and spent a couple of days here and there together. We spend time together, talking and then we would get down to it and have sex. I feel confused with this. I think because I didn't end it in the start I've always had feelings.. Id like some help please. Should I ask him what's happening and if it's just sex? Or if there is anything that's happening? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2016): Yes, he is using you for sex.
Only sex.
If you can handle a casual, only sex arrangement with him, that's one thing.
But I suspect you want MORE from him. You have said yourself you have "feelings."
If that's the case, it is time to move on.
FOR GOOD this time.
There is nothing worse than loving someone that can never/will never love you back. Nothing.
And the longer you keep having sex with him, the more attached you will become... and the more broken hearted when he walks away.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 I forgot to add...
Look at it this way..
In his eyes:
YOU are good enough to have sex with, but not "good enough" to date..
Is that what YOU want?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 He finished with you at the start of the year for some reason, he may not have told you why but there was obviously something that was stopping him from being with you. You remained friends which is great, but from what you have wrote it is clear to see that this is casual sex. It is easier for people who have been together in the past to enter in to a casual arrangement because you are both familiar with each other. However if you still have feelings for him you are going to end up hurt. You need to be honest with him and tell him you still have feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2016):
I agree with Janniepeg.
He can like you alright, but NOT want to date you and not want a future with out outside of some sex here and there.
I think since you AGREED to having sex with him again without being in a relationship he presumes you are OK with a "fwb" or casual sex. THAT however will stop once he finds a girl he WANTS to date. OR.. you end it and find yourself a guy who WILL date you.
Notching besides a FWB is "happening" and that why neither of you have brought it up.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 A guy can like you and still not want a relationship. He may be doing an on and off relationship with someone else or he's not over his ex. If there's "anything happening" he wouldn't have ended it at the beginning of the year. He doesn't sound reliable, more like someone who hops in and out of your life. Now is the time to nip it if you don't want your work relationship to be awkward. If you straight out ask him if it's just sex, which would sound crass, he probably would give you an answer that's what you want to hear, but he will be vague about it. No guy in sound mind would say to a lady something like, "yeah you are just booty call." They would probably say something like "let's see where it goes. I have some issues I am going through but I like you." You don't want to attach feelings to a guy who gives you an answer that's wishy washy.
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