A
female
age
41-50,
*.m.
writes:Was it an affair or a case of sexual harassment?My privious post:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-was-working-as-a-nanny-but-was.htmlHere’s my story:I was interviewed and hired by the wife. I never met the husband before I started working for them. The couples are both educated with great career achievement in their mid 30’s. The man was all blushed and speechless the first time we met. I thought he was just simply shy. Later, he acted like a teenager whenever I was around. I became extremely uncomfortable. I tried to avoid him most of the time and didn’t know how to act when he started staring me (most of time). He became frustrated and very moody like a lovesick teen when I tried to ignore him. The wife knew something but didn’t say anything. Until onetime, the wife seemed tired and sick of his non-stop talking about me. She asked him “Do you love her?” He was stunning for few seconds then told her” It’s lust!” Then, both turned silent.The man’s parents came to visit from England in the second week after I started working for them. They were very close and the man told his parents almost everything. Mom warned the wife about me but the wife didn’t react. Later, the parents started teasing me and watched me like hawk. One time, the wife ignored my question about dinner and walked away. I was just standing there and wondering what I should do next (she’s extremely controlling, didn’t want to tick her off). The mom saw my reaction, turned to her son and said” What’s the matter? Your sweetheart can’t make up her mind?” He whispered to his mother” she will hear that”.I worked and lived with them for two months. They knew me well enough. The man seemed like me more each day. His attitude toward me changed from threesome jokes to call his son “little brat” when his son gave me hard time. He paid more attention on me than on his 18-month-old son. Still, the wife didn’t say anything, at least not to me.As for me, there were something happening the moment I saw him and I couldn’t explain what it is. I tried to quit the job in the second week, the wife begged me to stay. Then I tried to avoid him as much as I could. The more I tried to avoid him, the more aggressive he became. Sigh!
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female
reader, j.m. +, writes (13 August 2008):
j.m. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for sharing your thoughts!They are both extremely successful and good looking persons. People let them get away lots of things and they probably think that they deserve it! Over confidence would be first thing I describe them, especially the wife. From my observation, the wife was not quite into her husband. She seemed trying to be an independent partner of his than just to be his wife. She didn’t change her last name. They just married for 2 years but had their own attorney separately. From lots small things I could tell that the wife viewed her husband as a suitable husband and a good provider but not the love of her live for sure.I have to admit it that I was in love with the man but I am not an optimistic. I don’t daydream about things that just make me feel good but simply don’t exist. Things had dramatically changed after the man was hit by a drunk driver while he was out with his parents. The wife was 8-months pregnant and they had an 18-ymonth-old baby. Both were just moved from east coast without families and friends around. They were vulnerable and needy after the accident occurred. They became pretty much attaching to me then. I was no longer just a nanny that can be taken advantage of. Even the man’s parents changed their attitude instantly after they observed what I had done for them. It was the reason I extended my staying.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 August 2008):
It sounds like it's just a game to them but since you were never touched and there was nothing more made than gentle jokes.... it wasn't sexual harassment, just weird.
Since there was no contact / kissing / sex, it was not an affair either.
It sounds like it's just a very messed up family to me.
You say your tried to quit after 2 weeks but you could have tried harder, and you could have said to the wife that you would only stay on the condition that she spoke to her husband and stopped him from acting so strangely.
Quit or sort it out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 August 2008):
 I have read your post over and over and I am finding it hard to understand.
If you felt that uncomfortable with this family why did you stay??. I also cannot understand the wifes reaction or even that of his family. Are you sure that you didnt emagine this all going on?. Its just that there is no way I would put myself at risk, by putting up with what you say you have had to.
If this is not in your imagination, I would say that the wife either dosent care, or its some kind of perverse game they are playing. I find it hard to believe that the couples parents would just sit back and say nothing.
Its all really odd.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Sweetie, its only sexual harassment if the attention is unwanted... in your case sounds like you enjoyed the attention... in short..... an affair! Sorry to be so blunt!
Honeygirl
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