A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my bf and I have been dating for almost four years. We used to be so amazing together, we had so much fun, and hemade me feel like the most beautiful girl ever. I was so secure in myself and him. Now things are SO different. We have lived together for abt 3 yrs now, and over the past 2 things have gone down hill. He never wants do anything on the weekeneds anymore, we used to always go out now we act like 80 yr old married couples (btw we are 24) and he never compliments me anymore on anything. He used to laugh at the silly things I do, now he gets annoyed. We used to have sex seriously every day, now its MAYBE once a week. I moved 3 hours from home w him, bc the company he works for opened a new office and he is helping run it. I am miserable. I have no one here to do anything with and I feel like a roommate as opposed to a gf. I also saw on his computer a few weeks ago that he was looking up ex gf's on fbook. He says he has no clue why and he wldnt talked to them even if he found them, and that I'm his everything. I guess I just don't know what to do. I have told him how I feel a million times and nothing changes. Here I am writing this... What do you guys think? Bc I'm so sad and ready to move home. I feel like he's not even that guy I fell in love with, like it was all a big hoax.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Sounds like you got past the honeymoon period after the first year (normal) and now you're bored out of your skull (normal). Relationships after that honeymoon period take WORK to be that much fun, and it's easy to get into a rut. It's not difficult, especially when you live together, to turn into homebodies and not go out nearly as much as you used to. It's an easy fix, it just takes effort... and no, things won't feel 24/7 spontaneous and exciting like they did in the beginning, but that is normal and the nature of relationships.
So, you need to start planning things. If he really enjoys staying home and watching movies, do an every other weekend event, or start inviting your friends to your place to hang out. Plan things to do together and force yourself to do new and exciting things to put that spark back in your relationship.
As for FB, unless he's doing other sketchy things, I'm not sure I'd be overly concerned about him looking up ex girlfriends. You've never looked up an ex just to see what they were doing? Making sure they're good and miserable? (Just kidding.) Especially if he wasn't chatting with them endlessly or e-mailing, or writing on all of their pictures "DAMN GIRL U LOOK FINE!", I would just chalk that off to curiosity and checking in. I wouldn't worry too heavily about that.
Doing extra things together and putting in the effort will create those fun moments and will have you laughing together and maybe even steaming up things in the bedroom! Good luck, sweetness.
A
female
reader, gummybear1011 +, writes (21 December 2009):
I understand much of how you feel. Your relationship is not a hoax, your relationship is just like many normal relationships; after a certain period of time, you become " used" to each other. I suppose some of us feel that our relationship is boring or on its way out the door because we have this idea of the " perfect couple" they never fight, they always have limitless fun regardless of how long they have been together what have you. What you are experiencing is normal, now the facebook thing.... I'm somewhat concerned. Perhaps he just wanted to see what they were doing, but keep your eyes open about that without becoming paranoid and overly possessive.
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