A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend found my boyfriend on a dating site so I dumped him. He didn't care that I was upset, he didn't try to prove it wasn't him just said I should believe him. He got angry with me and called me an ugly fat c***t, so in a temper went out on a date 4 days after we split and text him to say not everyone thinks I'm fat and ugly. I know very very childish! Well we hadn't spoken for two months and out of the blue he texts me being nice, I thought he was being genuine and asked me to go out. We went out last night and had a blast. We had the most amazing sex, he told me he loved me and missed me and everything else. Today he says he's had a think about me going off with this other guy and thinks we couldn't work out. I'm so upset, I feel really used. Do you think him being on a dating site is acceptable because he's making out I was the biggest bitch for doing what I did. I said sorry and when he asked me out he already knew about all of this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): He called you a fat ugly c**t. Even if he said it in the heat of the moment, the words were there, ready for him to use. That should be enough to put you off him.
I also think that "getting back with you" was actually just him getting back AT you. He was getting revenge and probably enjoyed making you believe that things could be good again, then dumping you in the cold light of day.
He's not a good person. Please don't waste any more time on him. Be good to yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Um I really don't think I need counselling! Lol maybe I should of put it another way, he believes its worse that I went on a date after 4 days and text him saying I was than him being found on this site. He made me feel like a disgusting person for even doing it, he wound me up so much that I just did it. I'm not worried about him being on a dating site now, I really don't care what he does now I'm on about when he actually did it. He doesn't care about verbally abusing me he just said he never meant it and its just words, but no one should have to put up with that. I was really happy for 2 months without him, I thought he was being nice and I missed the way he used to be. I'm an idiot because yeah he used me and he's a scumbag.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): "Was it acceptable for my boyfriend to be on a dating site?"Respectfully, that is the least of your problems."He didn't care that I was upset"I think his being an inconsiderate jerk is not acceptable. "he didn't try to prove it wasn't him just said I should believe him."I think his being a brazen liar is not acceptable. "He got angry with me and called me an ugly fat c***t"I think his treating you with absolute contempt by hurling the most vile epithet a male can call a female is not acceptable."he told me he loved me and missed me and everything else."I think his lying to you to trick you into having sex with him is not acceptable. "Today he says he's had a think about me going off with this other guy and thinks we couldn't work out. I'm so upset"I think his lying to you in order to dump you the morning after tricking you into having sex with him is not acceptable. ". . . he's making out I was the biggest bitch for doing what I did." I think his blaming you for something he did is not acceptable."Do you think him being on a dating site is acceptable"Why do you even care whether this scumbag is on a dating site or not after everything he's said and done to you? He's a scumbag. Why is your ego and vanity more important than your self-respect, dignity and pride? "I said sorry . . ."Why are even apologizing to this scumbag after everything he's said and done to you? He's a scumbag. Why is your ego and vanity more important than your self-respect, dignity and pride? "when he asked me out he already knew about all of this!"Why are you even going out with this scumbag after everything he's said and done to you? He's a scumbag. Why is your ego and vanity more important than your self-respect, dignity and pride? "I don't just slEep with anyone and it actually meant something to me. Shame he doesn't think that way."WHY ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING WITH THIS SCUMBAG after everything he's said and done to you? He's a scumbag. Why is your ego and vanity more important than your self-respect, dignity and pride? I'm sorry, but if after all scumbag has put you through your only concern is that he is on a dating site trolling for other women, then you are letting your ego and vanity override your brains and backbone, common sense and good judgment, self-respect and self-esteem, morals and values.I can only suspect you have long-term, deep-seated issues that have left huge emotional voids in you are life that you are desperately trying to fill any way you possibly can. I respectfully and politely but firmly suggest you seek counselling. You need a neutral third-party and trained professional to help you understand and overcome the subconscious forces motivating and driving your behavior. You need help, support, information and knowledge to break the hold this scumbag has over you. Sorry, but you are incapable of escaping him on your own. That your post does indicates you are not even considering dumping him as an option is to me ample proof of a very sad reality you would prefer not to acknowledge.Please get the help you need. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Why would you let this person treat you like this? Why even talk to him after you discovered what he was up to and him verbally abusing you? Do you have no self repect at all?
I agree with person12345. Get the jerk out of your life. You can do better.
Trust me, you can do better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): He is a jerk & isn't worth your time trying to figure out. He was in the wrong being on a dating site. Then rather than confess, he name calls you. I don't blame you for dating someone else after that, you wanted to feel like someone found you attractive.
Do yourself a favor & delete/block his number. Don't let him worm his way back to you in a month or two.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): I haven't posted about this before, we were together for 7 months so not a really long relationship but long enough to hurt. We didn't meet on a dating site, I knew he was on there before we met because on his facebook it said he used various sites. But I showed when he was on there last and it was saying he was looking for a relationship. It now says closed by user but he insists it was the site that shut it down as it was a fake profile, he accused me and my family of setting it up. I know it was him and he'll never admit it. Last night opened up all these old emotions, I don't just slEep with anyone and it actually meant something to me. Shame he doesn't think that way.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 Your "boyfriend" is a total jerk. He used you and manipulated you and then broke your heart for his selfish wants. I don't know how long you were together, but if not that long you dodged a bullet.
He's also a sexist and sounds kind of emotionally abusive. I think you asked about him last week, I said the same thing then. Don't go after him. Run, don't walk away. And block him from ever communicating with you again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 November 2012):
 It depends.
How long were you two dating? If is was less them 3-4 months I don't see it as being totally "wrong" - if it was more and you two and taken the step to be exclusive, then YES, VERY WRONG.
Did you two meet on that dating site and he just hadn't taken the profile down?
Or was he "trolling" the dating site? Looking for quick easy hook ups?
Honestly, you should have stayed non-contact with him. When someone calls you an ugly fat C**t- they should be non-exit to you. At least in my book, I would not want to surround myself with people who think this kind of verbal vomit or verbal abuse is ever OK.
I think he USED you to get back at you for dumping you. I think it was QUITE deliberate of him. You made him feel bad for being a douche so he wanted to make YOU feel bad too. He wanted to show EXACTLY what you are missing by not letting him do as he pleases...
Learn from this - PUT this guy on FULL ON ignore mode - block his number, drop his e-mail, unfriend his dumb-ass and so forth. ERASE him from your life.
What a toad.
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