A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, me and my boyfriend have been together now for almost three years. In that time he has cheated once with a woman for a month, that ended once i found out. He has persued another woman but she didnt want anything with him. Why did i stay? because i have these feelings for him, and hoped that he would realise that it was me he loved.Its been a year and a half since all that happened, and although i wanted to get the trust back it just wasnt there.occasionally when we argued (nothing serious) i would make references to the past, and he would say that i had every right. Each time though i would feel bad as knew that i should be leaving it in the past if we were to move on.we do not live together and each and every morning he texts me without fail, this morning however he did not text, so i text him and had no reply. two hours past so i text again. another hour past and i text again saying "hi hun, just a quick text to see if your ok, and having a nice day". another hour past so i rang his phone. it was switched off which is odd as he never ever leaves the phone off as that is his work number. so i rang his secondary number and he asnwered straight away, when i said hello he seemed puzzled at first then continued to chat as normal.i asked him why he couldnt send a quick text to let me know he was ok, he told me that he had been too busy, and he diddnt realise that his phone was off, that it only been off ten mins or so. i then went on to say that all i wanted to know was if he was ok as odd he never text like always, then he say i was stressing and why do i assume he is with someone. i never said that at all. (it did cross my mind) so i said, ok if you dont want me to care i wont. we havnt spoken again since then.was i in the rong? am i being too checky uppy? please can i have some advice anything at all.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 No, you are not in the wrong at all, young lady.
I understand how you feel. Even though he has cheated on you in the past, you have given him a second and a third chance.
Always remember that Actions and not words are the only barometer in a relationship.
Your gut told you something was amiss, and his words are not jibing with his actions.I say you are well within your right to not trust him, as he has not really done anything to win yoru trust back, nor will he.
Thank god you found out now as opposed to being married with children and a mortgage and have this behavior revisit the relationship.
There are men out there that dont cheat. I promise there are.
get rid of him like a bad habit.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 September 2009):
Well I have to say at first that I thought you panicked over nothing. But then I saw that he said you assumed he was with another woman, and that you hadn't said anything at all. That makes it a little more difficult, because it means he was instantly on the defensive, so now I'm thinking that there was more to this that he was letting on. That said, he has cheated before and has persued another woman. Also, you don't live together. More than anything, I think you need to sit down and seriously consider where this relationship is going. I hate to say this (it might hurt), but I think he's using you while he tries to find someone else. Please don't allow yourself to be treated as second best. I would find a better guy who won't cheat and will treat you with more respect. Hope that helps.
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