A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My Psychiatrist BF who is 41 has a 'collection' of over 100 DVD's almost ALL of which are about hetero anal sex, and a few male sex ones. He says he is only "curious" but this 'seems' different to me. I think in the past he had turned to it to cope w a bad marriage in defiance, and never gave it up. He told me he had, however, as I found a few 2 years ago.. and because I don't like porn myself.. was upset about it. The ironic thing is - I have worked as an exotic dancer for 10 years. I don't anymore, and think this is part of the problem - that I feel 'left out' that he still 'needs' that and I don't have that stimulation I got from working. I also am falsely angry about the age of the girls (early 20's) because it just seems like, don't men ever 'grow out of this stuff?' When is it not appropriate anymore to behave this way? And am I totally out of line? I would like more real sex.. have tried to work or read about threesomes w him and massage parlour experiecnes (I thought would be fun).. I have done all these things he hasn't.Is it not better to have reality than fantasy??~ Confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): My guy likes porn. He watched it all the time before he met me and I didn't make him give it up, although he watches it a lot less now that he can get the real thing. Have you tried sitting down to watch a porno WITH your man, and see where things go from there? I'm not really a porn fan myself but it feels so dirty it's hot. Most porn girls are going to be early 20's, that's just the nature of the industry. Kinda like modeling in that regard, they try to make it marketable to the widest audience and not everyone wants to see porn actresses with their various parts going south due to gravity. He'd probably have to go out of his way to find porn with "mature" women in it to be honest.Do you give him anal? You don't have to obviously, but if you don't maybe this is why he looks for it in porn movies. If you do and he still prefers the movies, it's time to sit down and talk with him about why. Tell him that it's hurting your relationship and ask what can be done by you, and by him, to spice things up. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.. that's helpful
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
Don't do threesomes at all. They're likely to ruin your relationship.
Men are turned on by visual aids (pictures of women, films etc), in the same way that a lot of women like erotic stories that they can picture in their minds. He is being insensitive about the porn, however. Most good guys don't flash porn or keep it when they have girlfriends. He may even have an addiction to it. Maybe he has performance issues? Try sitting him down and talking to him about how you feel. He could at least listen to your concerns.
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