A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke off my engagement around 2 and a half months ago as I thought I was too young, being only 19 and him being the only long term relationship I've had for 3 years. I'm now seeing another guy n can't stop comparing him to my ex part of me likes him for being different but I still at times miss my ex and I've just recently found out he has himself a new gf. It hurt knowing this but I thought I had moved on and now I have conflicted feelings about the whole situation as to whether I should have broke it off or not? My ex says he's ready to settle down n find someone and part of me likes the freedom I have being single and part of me misses the relationship I had. What do I do?
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (14 June 2011):
Carry on as you are, by the sounds of it, you did the right thing. The two of you want different things in life.As for comparing your bf and your ex that's normal especially has your ex was ur first love who you were with for three years. Also remember you're barely out of your last relationship too so things will be different.
A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I think you did the right thing because if you would of married right now, you probably would of ended up regreting it after. And comparing to your ex and missing him is normal. You need to try and not think of how it was with him and compare your new bf to him because in the long run this might become a probleme. Maybe you need to be single for a littile while to find yourself since you have been with your ex for so long.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Eh, i think it's only natural that you would compare the new guy with the old guy, because you were with the old guy for 3 years. Heck you were ENGAGED. It takes more then just 2 months to move past something like that.
You say it hurts to know the ex is with someone new. I would imagine he probably felt exactly the same way when you started dating this current guy.
Did you talk to your ex about why you broke it off?
I mean, if you had ANY question in your mind that marrying this guy wasn't what you wanted at this point in your life, then i think you did the absolute right thing in breaking off the relationship.
If you're not ready to be tied down yet and still want some freedom (which is perfectly natural), then i don't think you have any reason to feel badly about breaking off the relationship. Better for you to be honest NOW with your ex-bf then to wind up married to him and entirely unhappy and regretful later, right?
You do have to understand, though, that every action has a consequence.
It is a bit odd that BOTH of you have moved on so quickly to another relationship. Being together for 3 years.. Being ENGAGED....I think one of the two of you may be in another relationship simply to try to get back at the other.
Either that, or neither of you was really truly ready for marriage.
Either way, i think you did the right thing.
Now i would recommend that, if seeing him with other people bothers you, and you REALLY truly want to move on, then cut all contact with him. Try to avoid him as much as possible.
In my experience that's really the only way to move past a relationship like that.
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