A
male
age
41-50,
*injaPleazzz
writes:Ok just had a conversation with my GF, she asked if any women from my past had contacted me. So I was honest and answered affirmatively that an Ex had contacted me just shooting the breeze and wanting to get together next time i was in town and about life which is not uncommon. I am legitimate friends with a few of my ex's I have not ended relationships badly and we decide to be friends. But GF got all upset and paranoid about it. I want to know what did I do so wrong here, I told her that I am friends with my ex's, what do I do to let her know that she can trust me?!?
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female
reader, BeBlessed  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 To show your gf your trustworthy dont be friends with any of your exs. whats the point? would you be alright if her ex contacted her and wanted to hang out next time she was in town?? & then she didnt tell you untill you asked? the fact you didnt tell her your ex contacted you to meet up is shadey. im a women and my partner is not friends or even talks to his ex because theres no need for it. and i also dont see the point in talking to my exs because you carnt just be friends with someone youve slept with because you wouldve had to have feelings for them and be attracted to them.
maybe you have a little tiny thought that something would happen with you and your ex. i read that people who keep in contact with an ex still have abit of hope of things happening between them, you might not but your has some feelings for you obviously or she wouldnt want to "meet up"
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Quick way to fix her fear: Invite her to go with you.
The only reason she's freaking out is because she doesn't want any "old feelings" to make you cross any boundaries with the ex. You're extremely unlikely to do that when she's right there with you. And by inviting her to go along, she can meet you ex and hey, maybe they'll even make friends!
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A
male
reader, toughlove111  +, writes (18 July 2012):
Congratulations dude, you've taken your relationship to the next level. If you want to marry this women, then you've done the right thing. But you've only done it 50%. Every relationship's foundation is trust. She needs to know she can trust you. Now, a big mountain has come your way. If you win and climb this mountain, her trust in you will rise thousand fold. If you fail and crash, then her trust in you will fall to non-existent and she will leave you.First, be honest with her. It's ok to have ex's as friends, but let her know that you will break it off if it bothers her. Then show her your emails/facebooks/etc. and give her the password. Let her know that whenever she wants, she can look and see all your conversations. DO NOT hide anything. After she trusts you 100%, then talk to her about seeing a counselor or reading books to help her with her not "trusting" issue, as she does have issue. BUT do not start this until she trusts you 100%. You need to be FULLY TRANSPARENT for this to work.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 You did not do anything wrong here and the way to show you are trustworthy is to continue doing what you're doing. That is being honest even when you think she won't like the answer.
Her apprehension is valid when you remember how many people have reconnected with an ex, wound up in bed together and become 'confused' about how they feel. Plenty of people maintain healthy friendships with past partners. I have a sister and a cousin who did, to the point that people forgot they hwere ever an item. We just saw them as old friends and they got on very well with the new partner. Plenty do not though and it can be very messy when boundaries are not made clear and limits not set.
My advice is to be calm and matter of fact. Invite your girlfriend to join you. If and when the moment does come up and she doesn't want to go, you can either decline the invitation as well OR you can tell her where you're going, somewhere local and make it a day thing (coffee or lunch) and only for a couple of hours at most. It's not just propriety, but the APPEARANCE of propriety. Your girlfriend should never be left to wonder if you're safeguarding the relationship.
Then again, if this ex isn't someone you keep in contact with often, then is it a big loss to cut ties and move on? You can be friendly when you happen to cross paths without being stay-in-touch friends.
One last thing...whatever you decide do not, NOT bend over backward trying to reassure. it reeks of guilt and only feeds the insecurity. Calm but firm, patient and matter of fact is the approach I'd use.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 July 2012):
So old yet so naive. Next time just lie and reassure her that these things have never happened. Honesty: don't believe the hype.
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