A
female
age
30-35,
*eartbrokenme
writes:I was in long distance relationship. Never met him. Initially he took out time for talking. But then he started to work for around 16 hours. I understood his commitment for work. But he even stopped messaging. If I asked him something he replied only in 'hmm' 'ya baby' 'ok'. When I said ur replies are always cold he said I was never a texting person. I have seen him come online like 50 times in 1 hour on whatsapp. But he never cared to msg. I think it's ok if he doesn't call but at least he can text. But he never does. When I talk to him he goes to sleep in 5 minutes while talkin or else he is busy replying on whatsapp. After a month I started feeling that he's only using me for phone sex. I felt he is taking me for granted. He has never avoided my phone calls or msgs. What i felt was that his work is his priority and he wanted someone who is not near him and who is available as per his need and convenience. When I tried to talk abt my insecurities he said u start working like me first then u will know how difficult it is to manage everything. And den we had a big big fight. I accused him of using me and making me a ****. And I sent him many filthy msgs. I felt bad abt my temperament I even said sorry. But he broke up with me. He says I already have lots pressure I can't handle more. I just asked for a little time and attention nothing else. Was I wrong?
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broke up, long distance, phone sex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 No. It was a misunderstanding, basically. You thought you had a relationship, when all you had was a guy using you for phone sex. As at some point you have realized yourself.
If it had been a relationship 1 ) he would not have made you chase after him this way, because he would have made an effort to communicate more , in fact he would not have thought it was an " effort ". Probably it would have been a pleasure for him to take any possible chance to talk to you, work or not ! 2 ) if really his work had been so all - consuming ( yeah right - he works so much... that he is on Whatsapp all the time !) anyway you would have had the right to bring the topic up and discuss it, and see what was best to do- if he could compromise ... or if it was best to go your separate ways. Because NO relationship can be based on " ok " , " yeah baby " " hmmm ". That's just stupid - if someone is really THAT busy, then he should not even TRY to date, and to engage another person feelings / attention / sexuality . He would have no RIGHT to take without giving- even if it's just his JOB's fault.
But, of course, he was bullshitting you , I hope you realize it. You were Ok for him as long as you provided convenient, stress free entertainment - the moment you start to make ( legitimate ) demands... you are " fired ".
Well, of course you could have handled it better, what's the point in getting mad and insulting him and flying off the handle. It's not that if you insult him you turn him from the selfish pig he is into Prince Charming. And if he wanted phone sex , but other than that, he was ignoring you,... well, maybe you weren't sure then, but now you know what the real deal was . So in future, do not beg for a little time, a little attention. If it flows naturally both ways, cool. if you have to plead, beg , insist and stomp your feet- let them go their way ASAP, no insults and no regrets, because you are being played. Someone who loves you does not make you beg.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (15 October 2014):
Long distances relationship are very difficult even when people are meeting a odd time but in your case it was a phone/text relatonship.NO you were not wrong to ask for time and attention but from your letter he was not interested and this would be very hurtful for you.But would you consider joining different groups and meeting people that way and maybe meeting a boyfriend in that manner.Dont waste you time and care on this guy there is no point.Move on and look to the future and hopefully meeting some nice guy who will respect and care for you .Kind wishes .NORA B.
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