A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well..during the summer this past summer I lost my virginity to who is now my ex boyfriend..But I was only 14 and I wanted to know if that was a little to early...Also my other thing is..I never told him I was ready and i never told him to stop..people say I was raped..and others say I wasnt since I didnt tell him to stop...But Honestly I was scared because he was stronger than me and he had a very short temper and I didnt want him to hurt me...So i just wanted to know what you thought about this I am accepting anything you have to say..some people call me a hoe but I don't care because they don't understand the position I was in..so if that is what you want to call me go ahead no hard feelings from me...So I just wanted to know if I was raped like some say..and if I was too young to lose my virginity??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, keirston2 +, writes (9 December 2008):
hey so i have had the same problem with a guy you know? he was very agressive. i did say no but maybe too late. and i didn't fight i just kept moving away. i'm not sure i was scared to at first. scared of peer pressure scared that he wouldnt like me anymore, but this is no reason just try not to get yourself in that sort of situation. if you consider it rape then it is. i haved been raped three times. i'm not sure how i always draw the attention of physcos but i do. the first time my bf was passed out and his friend took advantage, the second time the aggressive guy he actually broke furniture trying to have sex with me and the third was just mad because i didnt want to go out with him so he decided to get what he wanted anyway.
be careful girl seriously rape never leaves, its always in the back of your head it hurts you more emotionally than anything. you are not a hoe dont even listen to that garbage i got the same treatment
best of luck to you
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 December 2008):
 It may be a technicality, but in many states in the U.S.A., it is unlawful for a young man of legal age to have intercourse, whether consensual or not, with a minor. The age limits vary, but at least legally, it is very unlikely that a 14-year-old girl is considered a legal sex participant for a man of legal age, and as such, this may be considered statutory rape.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank all of you for your thoughts..also I see that it was partly my fault...And I just found out that he was not a virgin at the time when he was always tellin me he was...I feel so horrible for beliving him and not saying anything to make him stop... but this is just one mistake Im just goin to have to learn from.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (8 December 2008):
 You were not raped as you never said no. He is not a mind reader and took your silence as consent. If he did not threaten you or physically force you and you never said no with either your body or your mouth, how can he have possibly known you did not want to have sex? You may regret what you did, but that is not his fault. Uness, as others have pointed out, he was over 18.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I really don't think he raped you because you never told him to stop. How was he supposed to know you weren't ready?
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A
male
reader, Arianz  +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Dear I read ur Question...
I think when u was silent that time ur EX thought u agree with him so u silent. Silent means YES i think u know that.
He was ur BF so i don't think it was a rape.
Strong and short temperment can't be a excuse from my point of view. If girl is not feel comfy with her BF then she sould speakup something...atleast that time u could want time from him. but U didn't response any...and ur silence broke ur virginity. If your virginity is important to you then u should let him know.
What ever I think u felt upset for that situation.
But its sure that IT WAS NOT A RAPE...
but not to worry
time will be fine when u will mixed with new people.
take care
go ahead for betterment
best of luck!!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 December 2008):
If this aggressor was above the age of 17, I agree with "Friend Tom" - this was statutory rape, and he should be prosecuted because he will continue his criminal behavior.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): Maybe inside you were thinking, if I say no he'll just carry on and that just confirm I was raped. That can be a hard thing to deal with. It's best now, to never be put in that situation again till your old enough to handle it. There's alot of jerks out there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): In most states if the person is over 17+, and you are under the age of 16, it is considered statutory rape and does not matter whether you consent or not.
If you want to press charges it is likely you will be able to. The period where you must bring charges are usually extended in scenarios like this.
Really depends on where you live and what the state considers rape (NJ I believe has a statute that the only way intercourse is consensual is when there is an affirmative yes)
But, it seems if anything that you were not mentally ready for that situation. Maybe you should seek some guidance from a therapist or someone older that you trust.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Friend Tom has a point.. which I overlooked a bit.. By the sense of it.. I have my money on the fact that he is over 18.. I'm saying 22..
BUt anyways, if you dont want to do something, just tell them no... if they wish to continue without your consent then you can choose whether or not you want to be injured or not. Otherwise, if you don't say no then you are pretty much a willing participant, especially in the eyes of the law.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): How old is the "boy"? If he was eighteen or older at the time and you were fourteen, it is "statutory rape", even if you consented. If he was under eighteen, and you did not protest, you would not be able to say you were raped in court. This is why girls get so many "sermons" from family and everyone else. The statutory laws are to protect minor girls from themselves and, hopefully, predators. But, willing girls with minor boys are outside the loop when it comes to rape charges.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (8 December 2008):
Too young? I would say yes... as far as you being raped.. Not stopping him or not saying stop is giving him consent. You can say that you were too intimidated by him, but he could also say that you did not say or do anything to say that you did not want to go further. Maybe he would have stopped if you said "No, I'm not ready." but you never gave him that chance.. But my concern would be where it may lead to a more argueable case is if in his "short tempers" that he would hit and physically abuse you. Then it may be more plausible to call it rape, but as it stands.. I don't think it to be considered rape. In people's minds? mmmm well it's a big grey area..
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A
female
reader, Mistwolf2 +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I'm almost 15. I think losing your virginity is up to you, but it's important that you're safe and you really should love the person you have sex with. (I'm a virgin and plan to be until I'm 20-30-ish.)
I think it's rape if you were truly unwilling...the legal definition of rape can be seen at
http://www.healthyplace.com/COMMUNITIES/Abuse/lisk/legal_rape_definition.htm
I believe the second paragraph applies the most to your circumstances.
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