A
female
age
36-40,
*eirston2
writes:my fiance just got back from iraq. he had been there a year. when he left we had been fighting and had been seperated. he came back 10 days before he left for iraq when our son was born. he is back but now wants to pretend like he never left me when i was pregnant and says it doesnt matter cause he has changed a lot. my feelings are still very hurt and i am having trouble getting over it and trusting him. we fight over stupid things and never seems interested sexually. he says he will committ to things like meeting my parents or going to church with me but never follows through. we have been together for 2 1/2 years. we are scheduled to get married july 4 2009. do you thinks we are ready? i dont know what to do. is it worth it?
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female
reader, heartless420_1 +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Try not to set a date, goto marriage/couples counciling first and get reconnected as a couple. Everything happens for a reason!
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I really don't think you are moving on from the fact that he left before. I think you should hold off on a date for marriage until you are for certain that you can move on from that and want to be with him. It's your choice if you want to give him that chance... Right now, I dont think you want to.. You have your mind on him leaving in the first place. Figure out if you can move beyond that and decide if it's right to marry him. I think right now you are too focused on the past to even give him a chance. I will say to postpone the wedding plans for now.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 December 2008):
 Lessons learned from my life -- if you aren't 100% sure you are ready to get married, then don't... it's that simple. But, if you and your BF are interested in getting married, I would seriously recommend couples classes (private or through a church of some kind) or a marriage councilor to air all the issues that are lingering. In your BF's defense, being in a war-zone for a year is DEFINITELY going to change his attitude on life... but hopefully for the better.
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