A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i are in the process of getting a divorce and so is his sister and her husband. well last wek her husband and i made out and talked on the phone for an hour and had phone sex. we both said we liked it and he told me to call him sometime. well monday i txtd him about other stuff and we didnt talk about what happened. so wedneday i texted him and told him that it was a mistake that it happed and i still want to be friendsand all like we had been. he said it wasnt a mistake just wrong timing. which i in turn agreed. he said he wanted to be friends too. so thurs i txtd him about stuff and then out of the blue on friday he tells me not to call or txt him anymore that he will call me when he wants too. and that he needs to be alone and he needs his time. so today my soon to be ex husband and i had to go to there house to see our niece and nephew and he totally acted like i wasnt even there. did not look at me or talk to me. So my questions are this what is going on? was i too pushy? or does he not want to have anything at all with me? i do like him i just am confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I have not contacted him at all and its been almost two weeks and ther has also been no contact from him either.I still think about him every now and then and wish that he would call me but I know that is not going to happen. I have moved on like he told me to do but it still kind of hurts a little. Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice my future looks much better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I have not contacted him at all and its been almost two weeks and ther has also been no contact from him either.
I still think about him every now and then and wish that he would call me but I know that is not going to happen. I have moved on like he told me to do but it still kind of hurts a little.
Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice my future looks much better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell since i last commented he has since texted me that he doesnt want me to text him anymore that hes not asking hes telling me. He also told me to move on and that sll of this stuff is just making a bad situation worse for him. We have not had any contact for about a week now. I still think about him though and secretly hope for something sometime or for him to text me. But I really know that wont happen anytime soon if at all. Thanks for all of the advice if I had only listened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): What i would like to know is why are you both still living with your partners if you are getting divorced and meeting up as couples still?.
But asides from that there could be many reasons why he has backed off although i suspect that since you said he had said it wasnt wrong it was just bad timing he may have liked you. However you have shown that yu are not discreet and whilst technically if you are getting divorced you are not cheating he doesnt want what has happened to be out in the open, maybe because it will affect his divorce, he wants to spare his wives feelings, fearful of the repercussions. I think you need to respect his wishes, he has maybe realised now that what has happened with you is a little too close to home, literally.
Forget about him and for your own sake leave it be now, he doesnt want what has happened to be exposed. Good luck for the future!!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (20 January 2010):
Yeah, you totally blew anything you had in the future with him. Sorry to be blunt, but from what he said to you, it's pretty apparent that he's not interested in you. I know you feel bad already and I don't mean to pour salt into a wound, but you sound pretty desperate and I think he's definitely picking up on that. And she probably will look at his phone records, but oh well, that's what happens when you fool around behind other people's backs. Good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did tell him that i liked it and wanted more last week in an email. I think hes afraid that his wife may find out. But you kno w us not talking to each other and avoiding each other on sunday was not good either. my soon to be ex pickied up that there was something going on with me. so im sure she did too. i just hope she doesnt decide to go look at his phone records.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, thanks for all the insight. I do have to say that I did contact him again today. But I think if I may have had any chance in the future I totally blew it. I texed him and told him that I really hated that what we did happened because now we cant even talk to each other like before and I dont oike how i am feeling about you and what we did but i cant change it. I also said that if i go to breakfast in the future i would let him no before hand and that i was sorry he was uncomfortabe on sunday. he responded to me by saying no more im not asking im telling u dont text me anymore move on. This stuff is making a bad situation worse for me. thats all thanks.
Did i really blow anything that could have happened in the future with him?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
I only have one thing to say, and that's don't get in involved.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): He may have got carried away in the moment and not want to take it any further. Who could blame him, you are both up to your eyes in issues right now and hes still `family` for the time being. Maybe hes not mature enough to handle telling you that properly, so hes opting for the ostrich approach instead. Carry on as if nothing happened. Once he realises you arent going to go freaky on him and tell your ex and his ex, he will come around. Id stear clear of any further intimacy in that quarter though, if i were you. Sounds like trouble x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Hi there, well reading through your question you stated several times that you texed him and then told him that it was a mistake you both having sex. Well he has admitted he thinks it is all wrong timing at the moment and even though you said it was a mistake you still carried on texting him. I think that you need to give him the space he has asked for as his divorce may be impacting on him far more than you know and his feelings are probably up and dwon as it is without the added pressure of a relationship with you as well, considering you wouldnt be any old girlfriend but his sister inlaw.
My advice is give him space and give it time, it may or may not happen in the future but as the saying goes, 'what's for you wont pass you', good luck!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 January 2010):
Umm well...you madeout with him and phone sex with him, texted him daily and told him later on that it was a "mistake" which would kind of make a person feel slightly crappy that you basically told them that you regretted what happened, then you proceeded to text him again. I would say that the circumstances are all wrong, you're having this sort of affair with your brother-in-law, and yes it sounds like you've been coming on WAY too strong. He may or may not want anything to do with you, but I don't think it's the best time to worry about that sort of stuff. Maybe when you two are actually divorced and single...
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female
reader, Drkelly +, writes (18 January 2010):
 This is a complicated situation, and it may be possible that he just isin't ready to step into anything yet, concidering the fact that he is still in the process of his divorce. It may also be his attempt at being cautious, since your husband and his wife are siblings. It may be best to step aside for the time being, give it time, and if hes genuinely interested, then he will persue it.
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