A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am still very good friends with my ex boyfriend. His son who is 21 years old, made me a wonderful cd for me to play in my business. He lives with his mother and so I wrote a card to say thank you, and because I am using the cd for my work I also put in £50 as a gift and dropped it round to him, after all music is important to my work, and in part, good music results in me having more clients. I then get an annoyed call from my ex/friend saying that it was too much, 'it was only a simple cd, cost him no effort or money to compile' and that his son is very embarrassed by my gift and feels he has to give me something in return. This was not my intention at all, and I now feel upset that my ex has made me feel so bad about what was supposed to be a token of my appreciation to his sons very thoughtful effort. I also feel terrible that I have embarrassed the son, and that perhaps my motives may be called into question, when my motives were that I was touched by the cd and wanted to say thank you, end of! I worry that my ex may see it as me trying to impress him, not to mention what the sons mother may think.Was I too generous? (CDs in the shops cost around £20, but in no shop could I purchase a cd like this) Could it be seen as a far too lavish gesture even if it was given quietly and not intended to be so? I just wanted to do something nice! I have been accused of being over generous before, and it is a horrible feeling. How do I make this right? Perhaps by keeping a low profile?Thank you for your help, this problem is really making me cringe with embarrassment!
View related questions:
money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Yes, unluckily if I were your ex that would be the first thing I would be thinking : that you are trying to impress him or ingratiate yourself.
A CD may cost £ 20 in the shops, but making one downloading
music from Internet or recording your own costs nothing, except a little time and thought , which is nice of course, but
a thank you note would have been more than enough- OR you could have waited for the boy's birtday ,or Xmas, to give him a nice, generous gift.
But such an out of proportion amount of money, just immediately after receiving the gift,- well, it's inappropriate and MAY give the wrong idea.
Don't beat yourself up, though- you meant well, and that is what counts. Everybody makes some social faux-pas sooner or later, it's not the end of the world. Don't talk about it with them ( father and son ) and they'll forget about it sooner than you'd think.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Just a thank you card is appropriate when someone gives you a birthday gift. Giving someone a lot of money in return for getting you a birthday give is an uncomfortable situation and does look either like you are being condescending (like his gift wasn't up to standards) or trying way too hard to be liked. If I were him I would have returned the money.
Think about it like if you invited someone over for dinner and they gave you a $50 for it. It wouldn't be taken well.
...............................
|
