| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years, and have had our ups and downs like most couples do......... Lately a lot of things have come out into the open as he has had a tendency to bottle things up and try to handle them on his own,(long story) anyway, he confessed that he has cheated on me. Sex and then a kiss on a second occoasion. Apparently it didn't feel good at all, and wasn't started by him, but he didn't stop it. He says it's been destroying him ever since and he couldn't face hurting me. It was three years ago with a mutual 'friend' and I could see it killing him to tell me. The thing is that I forgave him almost straight way, (I shocked myself). But when I look back, we were quite rubbish then and our sex life was suffering...... so, I know it's not right, but I kind of understand why it happened. Am I stupid? How do I trust now? He seems truely sorry, and we love each other so much. But how do I get the image out of them together out of my head? I've never been cheated on before now..... and never would have thought this of him. I want to put this behind us but at the moment, the hurt and shock of it is so overwhelming. Please help with any advise you have....... my heart is aching.
View related questions:
cheated on me, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MICY +, writes (3 August 2006):
Its very hard to end a relationship especially youve been with him for that long. People can look at it and say just end it, but they dont know how you feel and what its like when you are with your boyfriend. Cheating is not ok, but its not unforgivable. People make mistakes. Ive been in that situation, in the past, I thought that cheating is one thing I could never ever put up. But I fell inlove. I learned to forgive but not forget. I now live with him and I could say that I am happy. He just need to validate that you are hurt and he has to show remorse. He has to understand that he has to gain your trust again and work on that.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 I really admire people like you in some ways and in others, I want to shake you! You seem to believe he is truly sorry and say you have forgiven him. If you're sure the relationship can be repaired after this and that's what you want then go ahead with that if it will make you happy.
I personally could not forgive a cheat, no matter how sorry they were. I may be able to forget about it and move on but I could never be with someone once that trust is gone. I've broken up with people because they texted another girl and lied about it because all that happens is it builds up and up and, without trust, you have no relationship. Not only did he cheat once, he did it twice so I don't see why you think, if he is forgiven, he won't do it again.
I think only you properly know this man and in your heart, you should know whether this will ever happen again. He obviously has the capability to cheat so whether you can work on that trust is up to you two but just be careful and don't forgive too easily.
Try some counselling as a couple or on your own to see if this is really what you want. Good luck and I hope he starts to treat you better or you make the right decision about him.
...............................
|
