A
female
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anonymous
writes:Sorry, so long...I have been seeing my boyfriend for four months now(Friends for 2 yrs in col before got together) and we are extremely compatible in many ways, except he has slightly different interests to me when it comes to careers, as i am a country girl on the farm and he is a towny who works in an office.He does'nt know anything about my way of life.I am always working because it is hard to have time off when you work on a farm.Anyway we have been getting increasingly close and intimate with eachother, we have done almost everything sexual except for full sex.This is the thing....I am a virgin of 20 (He doesn't know), and i don't know if i can be ready for that yet. In many ways i realy want to, but i am quite scared!Last night when we were fooling around he came out and said " So when are we going to have sex?" "You are realy teasing me"Which i know i am realy badly teasing him!He has a v. high sex drive i can tell as he only has to have a bit of heavy petting and bingo, erection central! haha.In response i just said nothing for ages and tried to ignore it. then he asked me to answer is question. i just said " I don't know what to say"he wanted to know why? I just said i was scared of him leaving me.Then he seemed to look realy upset and kept asking me why i didn't want to, and did i realy want to be with him?I told him i did and he told me how he wanted to be with me forever! but i can't help thinking he is just infatuated and i would like to know he loved me before we did that.I do trully care for him, but have I mistaken friendship for love?What should I do?
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erection, sex drive, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Princess 1989 +, writes (17 April 2008):
my ex boyfriend always had a go at me for teasing him and when i told him i wasn't ready he dumped me so you have to be sure it what you want
xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): i dont have advise for you but me and my boyfriend are going through the same thing.im 14.i really tease him alot and thats what make him strike the big question "WHEN CAN I FUCK YOU"he tell me that he love me all the time and that he wanna be with me forever and i love him too but i find that hard to believe but i dont really know if he's telling the truth,i cant tell him that because he might be telling the truth and i dont wanna make it seem like i cant trust him or dont love him because i do.but you know how boys are...girls have more feeling than boys do..we are so emotional.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, i know you are all right. i need him to show he feels for me stronger before i commit to him fully in that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006): Tell him that the development of love is not instant, and it takes time and experience. Love is one thing and sex is another. If love is based around sex, then fine, go do whatever you want then, but if you base sex around love, then it's about testing the waters, to see if you are comfortable enough over time, to have a feel of how deep the pool is, if you can still stand in it without drowning, but still be deep enough to have the water surround your body.
Anyone can say "I want to be with your forever. I can see you as the mother of our children. I love you with everything I am and have. You are the sweetest thing in my life." etc, etc, etc, etc. What has he done to express his support, encouragement, and considerate for you?
Asking for sex - I mean, in my PoV, that's very immature and unrefined. Sex should be a natural phenomena and nothing less.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006): Sex is something you do if and when you feel comfortable doing it. If you don't feel comfortable, tell him that you are not ready. Just because you may possibly be in love, it doesn't mean you have to have sex at the moment you think/feel you're in love.
Just wait it out, until the time comes that you feel you really want to do it with someone. Tell him you're not ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI realy need help on how to approach that conversation though!!!!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 The first thing that I'd tell him is the truth. That is, that you're a virgin, that you want to have sex eventually, but that you're scared right now and the pressure is a bit high for your comfort.
There's a very good chance that he's assuming that you're not a virgin, and wondering why you're holding out. So, why wouldn't you give him the very information that will answer all of his questions, without harming your relationship or hurting his feelings?
You said that you ignored his questions at first, then gave an evasive, not-entirely-true answer. What must he be thinking about that? If I were in his boots, I'd be wondering if you thought I was deformed in some way, or smelled bad. No way would I automatically assume that you were just nervous and shy.
When you tell him that you're a virgin, he'll understand immediately, and also know that your reluctance is not about him. That'll change the atmosphere for the better. Not only that, but he won't be pressuring you so much, because he'll want to make your first sexual experience special (assuming he's a nice guy and not just some idiot).
Whatever you might have convinced yourself to the contrary, he *won't* think less of you when he knows the truth.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 I think it is normal that you are worried and stressed about your first full sexual experience and you don't seem to get enough help from your boyfriend. You should relax and think if you really feel like doing it or not, just that if you are not able to because of your psychological feelings meybe it is a sign that this is not the right time of the right guy, make him see it is really important to you to feel comfortable about your decission, if he is interested he should wait a time for you to decide if you really want to do it, maybe you need a time alone of to meet other boys and compare their behaviour. Your job doesn't seems to allow you to meet a lot of guys so try going to a local gym or evening classes, go out with friends and enjoy life don't stress it will happen when your ready otherwise it would be abuse ok?
love
Astrid
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