A
male
age
30-35,
*ryingToFindHome
writes:PLEASE COULD YOU DELETE MY PREVIOUS ENTRY OF THIS Q, AS I MADE A CRUCIAL SPELLING MISTAKE THAT EFFECTED MY Q AND AS I RESPONDED TO AMEND THIS, MY MSG IS DISPLAYED AS ANSWERED, THEREFORE I'M UNLIKELY TO GET A REPLY FROM ANYONE - THX (SORRY COULDN'T FIND A WAY TO EMAIL ADMIN'S)Dear AllI would really appreciate any advice you may be able to offer, I’m so distraught in confusion, thank you.Heres the story...I’m in 5th year of secondary school, I’m leaving next June. I have been really fond of this girl since the first year, so for nearly five years, I just really like everything about her, her mannerism, personality, looks etc, but I never said anything.Over the years I have spoken to her at times etc, and I think she knows I’m fond of her but we’ve always just talked now and then. I don’t hang round or no with her friends, there the popular lot of the year if u get me and I just talk to everyone but just keep myself to myself.Anyway, this year as were both leaving and won’t be meeting again, I have a online way of contacting her, but I decided this year I would tell her how I feel, whenever the moment came.Yesterday I was in a lesson (we sit near), her friends were chatting with me and I was chatting with them and her, the friends started teasing us after I made a complement about her work (I think they can see something between us), I then said ‘I do’ when answering a question, which lead to jokes about me and her being married etc.Later she asked, ‘do you really like me?’, I told her I loved her dearly and always had, she was shocked and her friends inquired why, I explained and her and her friends were like ‘oh how sweet’ and shocked at what I had said.She didn’t respond but I know that she wouldn’t admit it even if she had feelings because her friends etc, also are parents are strict and say no relationships till we leave etc (I hear). I too don’t believe in the whole teenage romance ‘going out stuff’, but I believe people can meet in high school and that people can love each over at my age.I turned to her and said ‘XXXXXXXXXX, I know it wouldn’t work for you now, but I want you to know I promise you I will be here for you in and won’t have any relationships with anyone in coming years, until we ever met again hopefully and by then if you were married or with someone I wouldn’t mind, but my love would be there for you and by then if I’m still not right for you, then I would pretend this never happened and respect you as always’Now I wasn’t looking for comments but her friends and her were like ‘oh sweet’ etc, but then she said you would really do that, why? Why would you want to be with me? But if I met a guy you would be heartbroken?I explained that I wouldn’t and how I wanted it to be no pressure (as her friends suggested it could be) and I wanted her to forget this, but to know I would for her.For the rest of the lesson she looked shocked and to me uneasy, but later I saw and she waved and said hi.I felt so uneasy and foolish, I wondered if I had upset her and worried if it was too much and a big mistake. Last night I couldn’t rest and messaged her ‘I’m so sorry for saying what I said in front of everyone. It was really disrespectful and wrong how and what I said. All I meant to say was I’ll always be here if you need me. I hope you can forgive me’, she replied‘It’s ok, don’t worry about it! I understand why you said and everything it’s just that you don’t need to wait for me for years. There’s nothing to forgive you for because you didn’t do anything wrong. Xxx’I can’t but feel ‘you don’t need to wait’ means it won’t ever work out. I have been so upset all day inside and have found today hard. I didn’t look at her as I passed, but I noticed her looking once and once our eyes met briefly.I feel like an idiot, I don’t know what to do, I told her male friend who approached me that I had apologised and knew it wouldn’t ever happen, but he was real sympathetic to me and so were her friends.Do I wait to see if she will approach me? Or shall I just stay quiet (I will have to sit near her later this week).If you feel I have been rejected, may I ask what helps the pain :(?Thank you so much for reading this, and any council you may offer.
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male
reader, TryingToFindHome +, writes (3 December 2008):
TryingToFindHome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who replied, here’s an update:Today I considered ‘anonymous 1’ and ‘katatonik’s’ advice, I went in with the intent to give her space, but if I saw her I would say hi etc and just be normal but with distance.In the morning we passed in the corridor, she didn’t look up or anything etc, and then later she heard me, glanced slightly behind but swiftly quickly turned back. By lunch time I was a little worried, but thought oh well. I steel believe in what I said, but worry as katonik noted, that I may have across as a bit stalkerish.I was sitting with a couple of friends eating lunch, when her friends came and sat down, a couple of tables ahead, I noticed in the corner of my eye each of them were individually looking at me now and then, but it was weird, like with no specific look, I briefly looked up and saw XXXXXXX our eyes met but we both looked away immediately. As I continued to eat the looks made me feel very uncomfortable and I felt really like ‘guilty?’ I lowered my head down, quickly finished and left my friends, dashing out the hall discreetly.By now I was really worried, upset and felt like an idiot.As lunch ended, I passed her in the corridor, my friend got in her was by mistake, as she brushed past (without friends) I lowered my eyes and head, surprisingly she said ‘oh hi (my name)’ she smiled, didn’t look at me and walked on?I’m so confused?I will have to sit near her tomorrow, I’m so nervous! I said to her male friend who teased us earlier in the week, ‘please don’t say anything’, he was kind and so I won’t but then it was weird, he said swiftly, ‘you should talk to her’, I said ‘look, I was wrong and it was too much, I was wrong’, he had heard about the message I had sent, he seemed to respect me for it as he was the one that questioned whether it was a little pressuring (my comment the other day about waiting for her, if she ever needed me, however long she needed).It’s so weird? I feel really nervous; I heard a rumour that she may like some other guy right now etc. I feel bad for her and wish I hadn’t said anything, I did explain myself as after she sent me that message the other day I replied:‘Well thanks I appreciate that, I guess like possibly waiting up to ten years would be crazy lol. Sorry just been a bit upset recently, so I guess I’m expressing my emotions a bit too much. Thank you for being who you are as your kindness shows x’I can’t but help her message ‘you don’ have to wait for me’ etc, and my reply confirm that there’s no chance.She’s so hard to understand, is there any hope? If there is or isn’t what’s the best thing I can do in the lesson tomorrow?If there’s no hope, how can I heal the pain?Thank you everyone so much!P.S ‘annoymous2’ and ‘werenotincontrol’, thanks for your suggestions, yes she isn’t a crush, I love her dearly, but maybe sometimes things can’t work out as you say, I like your suggestions, but guess I should leave it for a bit.P.P.S katatonik, I am fifteen four months to go to sixteen :), wish I was already!
A
male
reader, werenotincontrol  +, writes (3 December 2008):
wow thats a tough one.
Look it seems as if you have REAL feelings for this girl. Its a long term affection so its not a mere "crush"
The "you dont have to wait" is a thought to dwell on. Have you thought about asking her?
I really think you should ring her and as her to go for a coffee or something(you pay of course:P) Just the two of you so you can talk. Be confident. Be honest and Be yourself. Ask her questions, Ask her what she meant, Ask her does she feel ANYTHING for you and ask her what are her thoughts on yer future. Let her know that she heard your thoughts as well.
Now if you dont get the answer you want. Its going to hurt. Your going to cry. You wont be able to sleep and your heart will be broken. There is no denying this. You will feel like complete shit for a long time. But dont worry, Becuase everyone I know(including myself) has had there heart broken. And trust me on this one. You will get your heartbroken more than once. And everytime it will just break into more pieces. But you will come back stronger.
ow you just have to tell yourself this. If you dont find out now, If you dont ask and tell her everything it will come back and you will just wonder "what if"
Anyway thats probably the best advice I can give, Hope its at least a nit of help.
I wish you the very best of luck and let me know how it turns out for ya man:)
Best Wish,
werenotincontrol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): hey hun thats a bit of a long one, but there is two ways to see that answer, it could be that i might not ever work, or that you wont have to wait ,it could happen now kinda ting.
what i would suggest is, as you've got the rest of the year to go, and you aplogised to her for the way you told her,
that you could message her, and ask her if you could take her to the movies to make it up to her, but first,when asking her, choose set days for yourself,
ie if you pick monday and thursday,
and she says she cant make monday, say to her, hte only other day you can do is thurs, if she says she is busy with out a legitimate reason, then she may be blowing you out,
or you could just say, fancy going to see a movie some day next week, ill let you pick, if she cant make it at all that week, again with a not very good reason, then leave the ball in her court to make a date soon, but i wouldnt hold my breath for that.............hope this helps hun ? good luck x
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A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 I'm guessing you are not actually 13-15.
I think you should try to imagine this from her point of view. Imagine if some girl you spoke to every now and then came up to you and told you she loved you and that she would wait years, without ever dating anyone else, to be with you if need be. It's sweet, for sure, but definitely overwhelming also and maybe a little stalkerish! It sounds as if you and she had not talked much previously and this was probably a complete surprise to her.
I wouldn't read too much into what she said immediately afterward, because she was probably in shock. But the fact that later she essentially told you not to wait for her means that yes, she probably did reject you.
If I were you I'd wait and see what she says and does in the coming week or so. This should help you figure out her meaning for sure. Hang out with her on a friendly (platonic only!) basis if you can, so she gets to know you a little better. It is admirable that you were honest with her about your feelings but declarations of undying love from an acquaintance are bound to be a little unnerving. Best if you back off a bit, romantically speaking, and give her some space to think about this. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): That was sweet, now stop worring about it, see it this way: you are interested in her and you've just realised that you might not be seeing her again after school and thought it would be a petty because you have a crush on her and are interested in knowing her better. You might have sound a little exaggerated but it was because of the thrill of letting her know how you feel.
Don't apologise anymore, don't make a deal out of it anymore. You are a man who speaks his mind and goes after what he wants. Having lovely feelings for a person is not something wrong.
This is like tennis. One person throws the ball to the other side and the other person is supposed to throw it back. Even if she lets it fall at first she might pick it up and start playing with you.
She needs time, you've been preparing 5 years for this moment, she had 5 seconds to react. Be cool, she already said you shouldn't worry.
I think you might actually have a chance with her, you already have the sympathy of her freinds, and that helps.
Just be around, be friendly, but don't talk about love or a relationship anymore, she needs to make the first move.
If you keep coming on to her you'll lose it, even though you might actually had a chance.
It's like the tennis match again. You need to be the attractive guy with whom it might be fun to play tenni9s, rather than a throwing ball machine who just keeps throwing balls at her regardless of whether she wants to play or not.
I wish you the best, it sounds like you might have a chance, so relax, be yourself and let life bring you what it has for you. (No waiting around if it's not her, ok?. If you keep a possitive and relaxed about it it'll be fine. Let things flow.
P.S. Don't ignore her (you're not 10 anymore), say hi to her in a playful and confident way, and that's it, let her make the next move.
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