A
male
age
30-35,
*ergiepunk
writes:What I want to know here is if I am in the wrong. What happened was that I went to a night out with my friend who is my ex. There was a guy who liked her, his friend (who has a girlfriend) and our old friend. These three guys were all friends. Now we all were at a gig in town, as the night went on my ex started making out in front of me with the guy who liked her. I didnt like this and felt a little upset so I closed my eyes and looked away, she noticed so she took me uo stairs. I told her I was sorry but Im not used to seeing her with other guys yet, and then she told me that there was something she needed to tell me. She told me that she had sex with the guy who liked hers friend, and they were unprotected. This got me really upset, basically I was in tears, so I left the gig early. Once the gig was over I met up with her outside as she is my ride home, but she wanted to go to a club with everyone so I had to. The guy who liked her, was clearly angry at me for some reason, so I left the club early and waited for her. One home The guy who liked her messaged me over myspace saying I ruined his night. I replied that he doesnt know what she told me so he has no idea why Im upset. Now he understood that but then kept asking me what she told me, I didnt tell him, I told him that he wouldnt want to know an she doesnt want him to know. After that my ex yelled at me as he asked her what she told me. After that I got sick from stress and still felt shit, I couldnt talk to anyone about what she told me so I could not get any comfort for it. After a week she said that I should drop it now cause msot guys would have forgotten about it by now, she also claimed that I wasnt really upset but looking for attention. She then said she doesnt want to talk to me ever again cause shes sick of hearing me complain about my problems and if I do talk to her again she will tell her parents that Im not leaving her alone. So I was angry and told the guy who liked her. His response to this was that I shouldnt have told him and that Im an asshole for telling him. Me and my exes old friend then ended up shouting at me for as he said getting the guy she slept with involved by telling the guy who liked her. He said I was pathetic and that I'm to blame for all of this. The guy who liked her says I am to blame to.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): No you weren't to blame for all of this. Things like like aren't about blame, blaming people does no good.
For starters, if your ex-girlfriend really knew you, then she wouldn't have been so insensitive towards you. I'm not surprised you freaked out, I think a lot of people in your position would.
Don't beat yourself up about it, it sounds like you were in a really difficult position and you can't blame yourself for how you behaved. I say things aren't about blame, they are about responsibility. Perhaps you could have acted in a better way, but rather than feel you are to blame for it, instead decide that you won't put yourself in a situation like this again! When we make mistakes, we learn something about ourselves and a lesson for the future - when you see things like that it feels much better than just moping around feeling like there is something wrong with us.
Personally I think it takes a long time to be able to be comfortable seeing an ex, let alone when they are with someone new.
Do yourself a big favour and don't put yourself in such potentially painful experiences. If necessary, find yourself friends that don't have anything to do with your ex, but if that is not possible, make arrangements so you only see your friends when your ex isn't around - at least for the time being until you are over her.
Don't beat yourself up, it sounds like this girl and you really weren't right for each other, because if you were, you would never have treated each other in the way that you have. That's right, isn't it? Chin up mate, allow yourself to see a lesson in all of this and look on to the future, it will all seem a lot clearer and less painful with a little bit of time.
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (4 October 2007):
 I think everyone in this situation is to blame your ex for pulling you aside telling you she had slept around after you told her that you were upset that she was kissing other guys she just seemed to wanna hurt you she seems for lack of a better word a bitch, the guy who liked her shouldnt of told you that you ruined your night or pestered you about what she said and shouldnt have been nasty just because you told he what he wanted to know. Yeah you shouldnt have told him but she shouldnt have told you and he shouldnt have pestered you.
I think you need to find some nicer mates and choose your girlfriends better next time, your friends are meant to love and support you not blame you for ruining a night out cause your upset
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 I read this 4 different times. I can't help to sense weakness. Not just within what you wrote but also within those who were involved in this.
Now you and your ex may have been friends, but I'll tell you, it's not appropriate behavior to make out in front of your ex. It's also not OK to pull you away to tell you who she had been sleeping with. Everyone involved here needs to take partial blame for this action.
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A
female
reader, jHing  +, writes (4 October 2007):
yas you are..
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