A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 18 years old i just got out of a 2 year relationship 4 months ago with a guy, im gunna call bob in this story haha but im redeemed and would like to start dating again. I just dont know where to look for a guy who repects me, treats me the way i want to be treated and accepts me for who iam because my sophmore year in high school i somehow managed to sleep around with 14 guys to be exact. But now im a senior and I've changed my promiscuous ways. I really feel like it was a stage and my unhealthy way of coping with stress but everyone knows me by my number of sex partners and calls me a hoe for it or bob's ex girlfriend. it doesnt bother me though because i know who i really am. i just have a hard time getting other people to see that. how do i make myself look availible to other males but not too availible?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 December 2010):
 If you're going to change the perception guys have of you, you'll have to really get into their heads, understand where they're coming from, and adjust your attitude to match. Importantly, if you don't want to be judged, don't judge anyone else.
For example, a typical, respectful guy doesn't see 14 partners in one year as a "mistake." One or two flings with players can be called a "phase" or "mistake," but many guys will see 14 as a deliberate decision. You will have to fight the perception that you've "had your fun," and are now looking for a sucker to try out being a long-term girl. Perception is every bit as important as reality.
Some guys say they don't care about the past - I think they are rare, and often lying to themselves, but if you find one, great! Otherwise, I'd recommend getting comfortable as a single girl for the remainder of high school, then reinventing yourself after high school (in college or work). Spending some times single will lend credibility to the idea that you're "reformed" when you meet guys there - they will want to know about your past, and some won't be forgiving, but you can improve your chances by changing your behavior *before* it's absolutely necessary. Be single for a while, and they won't think you're just dependent on guys.
Don't put out for a while, either, once you start dating. Take the time to get to know a guy, and for him to get to know you. *You* may know who you really are, but expecting someone else to do so without time and effort is unrealistic. Give the guys you date time to decide if they like you for you before you sleep with them, and time to get comfortable with your past before they get too emotionally/physically invested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Everyone has a past. Im not happy with mine and my mistakes, my Love isnt happy about his mistakes. But it takes getting past the past.
Its easy! Your with someone else, in love and in the moment! Who cares about the past! Although, we can all name few. It is lame if someone says, "forget the past, this is now" but brings it up during an argument.Ehhh
Your happiness is out there, I promise you that. It wont come when you want it. It'll come when you least expect it. There is guy out there will love you and care for you. He'll love you for you and not hate you for the past. He'll love your laugh and hold you close. He'll be happy and lucky to have you as his.
No matter your past, he will love the girl you are now.
Xoxo
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A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 My advice would be to look for a guy who is interested in you and your personality, not someone who wants to just get you in bed!
If everyone in your school knows about your past then have you thought about dating someone from outside of school who may not know your past and you can tell them when the time is rite etc.
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