A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok where do i start. I broke up with my ex boyfriend of two years in august last yr afta months of abuse and coldness from him. we tried to be friends but it has always been up and down and tbh i havent really been interested in being friends. so i met another guy in the dec and quickly became involved with him he himself had gone through alot of stuff with his ex wife about his kids. we were together just about 4 5 ish months and although it doesnt seem that long it felt like alot longer. we have now obviously split because he was going back to his ex wife telling her stuff about me and she was spreading rumours about me which he beleived he also said that he didnt love me anymore after proclaiming how much he did love me and wanted us to last forever.the problem is i am finding it extra hard to get over him we are not talking at all we were but have since stopped contact. how do i get over this guy i no its dumb to be feeling like this after a few months but its like ive no strength to get over yet another break up i thought me and him would last. was i his rebound? or just something to get back at his ex with?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): I don't know if you were a re-bound, in all honesty only he can answer that one, but he probably won't...He sounds like a coward, I have met a few in my time, and it's a cliche, but of course you will get over it in time, took me a good 8 mths or so and was only in a relationship for the same length of time as you! After wallowing and being miserable for a lot of months and watching him not give a flying fuck about me and go on to date others I thought 'Bollocks to this', I cut contact, and kept busy (to reduce my 'thinking of him' time...)I realise now he wasn't such a good catch...and look on it as a learning curve...(maybe badish things happen because there is something sooooooooooo much better round the corner...?)You'll be alright, keep busy, go out and have fun with your mates and put it down to experience.Oh and keep up the nc, trust me, it is BETTER in the long run!Good luck x
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 was i his rebound? or just something to get back at his ex with?
Would you feel like an "overachiever" if you learned that you were BOTH of these?????? 'Cuz you were.....
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A
female
reader, deeda  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I went through something similar. I dated this guy who at first told me that he was broken with his ex girlfriend. Then after a few months he started avoiding me. Then one fine day his ex rang me and told me that they were getting married. When I asked the guy about this, all he had to say was "I meant to tell you this, just didn't know how to. But we can always remain good friends". I was heart broken, sad and miserable. I had already lost my long time boyfriend to a car crash and this was another blow. I quit my job and moved back to my parents. They treated me like shit. It was real bad.The thing is that, whatever happened, you can't change it. But what you can do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know it is difficult but you have to get over it. Try to do whatever makes you happy. I used to shop a lot. It helped. Wipe out all memories. Don't keep souvniers of your past relationships. I burnt the top that I wore on our first date. Delete the pictures. Then find replacements. I know it sounds a bit cold. But U can only get over a thing by getting into another. Either develop a hobby or find a new guy. Don't be afraid to break up with the new guy when he doesn't feel right, the first few after a serious break up are never the right guys. After a few breakups when you feel more stable and confident, find a good man to be with. Start life anew.It is your life, start taking charge of it.
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A
female
reader, ddd2012  +, writes (15 April 2012):
i agree with the previous answer. I understand that is easier to see from the outside. You are inside now and emotions blinds us. But, you should no be in a relation that is too complex, have other ex in the picture, and you dont even feel appreciated and valued
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Why do you get involved with men who have these issues? Why stay with men who don't treat you well or have exes still in the picture? These aren't situations that have the potential to develop into real relationships...just situations where the probability of you being dumped or abused is awfully high. The pain you are feeling as a result of these choices is more to do with how you treat yourself so poorly. What you have to get over is your bad love habits.
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