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female
,
anonymous
writes: Met a great guy at university, after a couple of months we starting sleeping together. He was my first. Now we live together with friends. He recently split with his girlfriend, and told me he was really confused and lonely and sorry for messing my head up. I love him but I can't bear to tell him how I feel, I know it will scare him off forever. Is he using me because I'm convenient?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): The answer to that is..YES!!!! course he is using you..if he wanted to be with you then he would be and if he wanted what happened between you two to happen then he wouldnt be saying sorry for it and treating it like it was a mistake that should never have happened.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 Yes, he sure is. But you're making it pretty easy for him to take advantage of you.
The relationship that you have with him is technically referred to as "friends with benefits", and to be truthful, such an arrangement rarely works out for most people, because someone (in this case, you) almost always wants something more than the other party.
If you tell him that your feelings are stronger than they used to be, it won't "scare him off forever". What's much more likely is that he'll look uncomfortable and will probably stop having sex with you - for a while - because he doesn't want the complication of a relationship. Think about it: if he did, you'd be more than friends, right? Once he feels like your crush is abating, I bet he'd be right back around for more sex, if you'll have him.
Simply stated, your best option is to find new living quarters, or find a serious boyfriend who isn't your roommate, because in spite of his claim that he was "sorry" he messed with your feelings, it hasn't stopped him having sex with you, has it?
He might have been your first, but don't let him be your last. Just because you've had sex with someone doesn't mean that you two are a good couple. He isn't caring for you and he doesn't show a lot of concern for you. Cut yourself loose and find someone who loves you back!
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A
male
reader, Dr Vincenzo +, writes (17 October 2005):
Yes.
You know the answer. He is your first so of course you are smitten with him. But you will grow up and realise that sex does not make the relationship. Good luck.
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