A
female
age
30-35,
*reeHugger13
writes:I've been seeing a guy from over a year. I travel hours to see him as often as I can, and he does the same. We message daily. After all this time he has never said he loves me. When the topic is brought up, he says he doesn't and if I badger him it won't happen. He also said he'd never say it first. In a previous relationship he was in for years, he never said it. When I suggest that this might be the same he says this relationship is different. We argue constantly because I really don't think he cares, even though he says he does. He doesn't show it. I think he may be emotionally unavailable. Any advice? Anyone been in something similar? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 Leave him. It's a power play with him.
It's amazing how a guy can get away with this for a year, yet if the OP were to tell him that she would never touch him, have sex with him, go down on him, or any of that, he'd have been gone long before a year was up.
Guys crave physical expressions. Girls crave emotional expressions. Yes, I know that there are exceptions, but all guys who think they can not say it out of some stupid power thing should be banned from having sex.
Don't ever touch him again. Most guys aren't as immature as this guy is. Cut your losses and get away from him. "If you badger him, it will never happen"?? What a self-indulgent prick. Heh, I bet he'd not feel so smug if a woman treated him that way with sexual affection. Jerk.
If you stay with him, and a year is well enough time to decide whether there's love or not, then you are a masochist who loves pain. Otherwise, don't waste another day, month, year, hour, or second on him. Life is too short to blow your time and looks on an asshat the likes of this moron.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 November 2015):
 "We argue constantly because I really don't think he cares, even though he says he does."
If you want to be with a man who will express love and appreciation then you are not with the right guy.
I'd stop rowing the relationship boat (thank you to another aunt here for that imagery) and I would simply stop arguing with him.
There are books out there discussing "love languages" that talk about how people express love. Go get one and read it.
In the meantime, I'd stop participating in the arguments; if you are the initiator of the arguments, the by all means stop initiating the arguments. And stop rowing that relationship boat.
If you have to travel hours to see him... and he won't express love... and you argue constantly.... what the hell is the point?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): I come from a family that never says I love you, my mother or father never said it to me and I really didn't think this was strange until I got older and had a boyfriend. My boyfriend said it all the time, he said it to his mother daily, to me all the time but I don't think he even ever meant it.My little girls love hugging me and every day they say they love me. I like hearing my little ones say it but when a boyfriend says it to me all the time it starts to lose its meaning.If your boyfriend never said it to his last girlfriend then don't think it's because he doesn't love you. I don't think my dad has ever said it to my mother, not that I know of but that doesn't mean he doesn't. Some people are not like that, some people find affection a bit uncomfortable.It's up to you whether you can live with this or not. If he makes the effort to travel so far to see you and messages you all of the time he obviously does care about you. Is this a deal breaker for you? You don't mention any other things you are unhappy with so in my opinion I'd just take it that he wasn't brought up in a family who says this word very often.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): Maybe you're right. Perhaps he's just not that into you.
If you've got to pry the word out of his mouth with nagging and a crow bar; what's it going to take to make you finally decide that maybe he doesn't say it because he doesn't love you?
If you argue about it, he obviously doesn't "do" anything to "show" he does. You can't force anyone to love you. You can pressure them to say it, but they won't mean it.
Time to make a big decision!
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