A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for a while and at first it was casual. I lost my virginity to him and became extremely attached. He would tell me that he has such a busy schedule and he said that if he didn't call me for days or weeks, I shouldn't be mad at him. I would only see him about once a week on average and whenever him came over, we ended up having sex. He would call me a bitch sometimes for no reason and I saw him once going to a party with two girls he claimed were his "friends". When I finally told him that I want an official relationship or that's it, he asked me out. We then had sex once again but then he said that we shouldn't do it anymore so he can really get to know me. So we didn't do it for about a week and that's when he stopped calling. I finally called him up and asked what was going on and he said that he didn't want a girlfriend right now. I guess I put up with all of his crap because I was madly in love with him and couldn't really face reality. Being with him greatly damaged my self esteem and I'm still hurting. My friends say that he was emotionally abusive and that I was blinded by love. Was I really in an emotionally abusive relationship?
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emotionally abusive, lost my virginity, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Sounds like he just wasnt that into you. He wasnt emotionally abusive....I really dont get why girls jump to this conclusion soo often...its a certain naivete to say it was "emotionally abusive".
Sounded like he was straight up with you, telling you what he wanted, and you wanted something different. You conceded to have sex with him right? It was mutual right?
Calling you a bitch was pretty mean. And I wouldnt reccomend dating "mean" people like that. But other than that, this was a case of two people having expectations of the other person, and both parties conceding their independence for another person. Any time you concede a bit of your own happiness (him asking you out, you having sex) you undermine the relationship.
Sorry it didnt work out. Just move on now! Good luck
A
female
reader, Hsham  +, writes (5 March 2009):
I agree with icelordess, it wasn't an abusive relationship (in fact not sure if it was a relationship at all) he's just not a very nice guy. You are worth so much more than just waiting around for someone to use you and drop you.
The way he treated you is probably the way he treats most women, don't let it knock your confidence, you are worth ten of him. The only thing you can be accused of is falling for the wrong guy, we've all been there.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 I believe its a subjective issue on whether you were emotionaly abused. He seemed only interested in having intercourse with you and from you post it does not give the impression that he manipulated you in an abusive manner when you had intercourse. He also did not force you into it. You ended up hurt because you wanted a relationship with him, and he unfortunitly did not want a relationship. He was however disrespectful to you for calling you a bitch. He is rude and his actions are totally untactful you deserve better. Take care!
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