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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been in my relationship for five years. I am in the US Coast Guard Station overseas. I have been here for 4 months. This maybe sounds stupid or not, I don't know, but I have been using the website myspace.com to talk with old friends. I was browsing the different users on my space and saw some a page of a hot women. All I did was write that person saying how hot she was - that's it. My fiance found the msg I sent and she was mad. She doesn't want to be with me over that. She said I was disrespectful and how could I do that? I love her dearly with all my heart and I didn't do it to hurt her. What do you all think of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): She may feel you have emailed that girl with hope that she will email you back and to take things further..we all read the horror stories of relationships going wrong over partners leaving to be with someone else they met online you have to talk to her and explain to her your reason for doing so whatever that might be.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 October 2005):
 Irish49 is very right-relationships, in order to succeed, should be based on trust, respect and understanding. In your eyes, you may not have done anything wrong but in your partner's eyes, you have broken the trust by emailing that girl.
The thing is; why did you email her in the first place? Did you hope for a response? And what did you really think you were going to achieve by it?
What it really is all about is that unthinking step too far. You could have just looked but you made contact instead and I think your girlfriend feels very hurt and concerned that you may not be entirely trustful.
If you wish to remain with her, try to convince her of how you feel and that you simply weren't thinking properly when you did what you did but that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt her. Remind her of how beautiful she is and that she is the only woman for you. Explain also how your intention was not to be disrespectful. It is normal for a man in a relationship to occasionally find other women attractive just as women find other men attractive. Acting on it, no matter how small the deed, will only lead to suspicion and mistrust.
Talk to her again and express how you feel honestly. If you are sure she is the only woman for you, then try and convince her that you are the only man for her.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2005): Oops! That's pretty serious stuff, hun. I think you are finding that, your momentary cheap thrill with some online gal-just about cost you, bigtime! To many reading your posting , they may think "what's the big deal-she should get over it." But that's not the way it works.
Your gf is committed to you and she expected the same from you. She expected respect. She trusted you..you broke that. Trust & respect, the two fundamental building blocks of a healthy relationship and you messed up on both counts, dear. She truly loves you, she loves the whole package you come in, which means the physical you, the emotional you and all that comes with you. She views you as her confidante, her best friend, her safe haven in the storms of life as well as her exclusive lover. Being engaged to be married, also tells her that this relationship is strictly exclusive and very special, and in her mind , this relationship will not be shared with anyone. You went over the boundries & your gf needs to know that she can trust you totally when you are away from her and she likely did.. until she found this message. Trust in the people we love gives us all a wonderful, safe, comfortable feeling and you knocked that "out of whack" for her by doing what you did. Now you will have to put that back in place and it will take time. You see, dear..she is asking herself, how many other times have you done this and worse yet, she's even wondering now..if you 'have cheated on her'? And quite frankly, who wants to marry and start a new life (family, home, kids) with a possible cheater? Think hard on that. If you think you will continue doing this behaviour, then cut her loose, because you aren't ready for committment and an exclusive, loving, mature relationship
But if you do love her and wnat to make it up to her...continue showing your gf respect and affection. Be sure it is your gf you're in love with, hun, not yourself. I say that, because many people forget to be considerate of the love they do have and they must give, to keep the relationship solid. Every day, say to her, "I love you." And put meaning from your heart into those words so that in time, she will forgive. She may not forget but she will forgive because she does love you. And you should be thankful for that. And if you are ever tempted again..I would say you are NOT maturely and emotionally, ready for marriage. You need to be honest with yourself and her and give some careful thought to that. Take care and I wish you both the best of luck. Take Care.
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 October 2005):
 You should have admired her from afar, buddy. Promise your fiancee not to ever do it again and keep it. Then it will be up to her to decide whether or not to give you another chance. If she is smart she will, if she doesn't then you're probably better off in the long run.
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (12 October 2005):
 In a way you were and in a way you weren't. It all depends. She's probably thinking you have no business looking at other women and especially telling her how hot she is. This would mean that you were a bit attracted to this women to actually go and let her know that she is hot.
Have you ever heard the expressions, look but don't touch? Well, usually don't say anything either. There's nothing wrong with looking, but what's the point in saying something. I personally thinks there's no point.
I would get mad, but I wouldn't want to be with someone over that. That's overreacting actually. But it was a bit disrespectful for you to have to go let someone know how hot they are to you. How would you feel if your girlfriend was letting other men know how hot they were to her? Usually people don't want to think about their partners being attracted to someone else. I know I wouldn't.
I think just for the best of this you should apologize and let her know you didn't think you were doing any harm, but if that's what she thinks is disrespectful, let her know that it won't happen again.
Good Luck!
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