A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a 40 year old fellow from Nova Scotia. Recently I broke up a relationship that I thought would lead to marriage. (I have never been married.) The reason was the girl I was seeing was unreliable and lied. For example she could not keep appointments and could not keep her promises. She also lied about things like her past relationships (which included affairs with married men). All this was too much for me. I had to brake it off. (And with it a little of my heart.)But it got me thinking of what I need and more what I should expect. Was I too harsh, and what should be the basic things I require in a relationship. When I was younger I looked for beauty and sexual allure. Then in my 30s I looked for personality. I wanted her to be witty, exciting and clever. Now I enter my 40s, and I want most of all someone who will be a life partner, someone to trust and who is not looking out for herself but knows what a partnership is about. I do not know if I will find her, but that is my list.So I ask you Agony Aunts and Uncles: Am I on the right track? Was I demanding too much of my last relationship? At this point should I just be looking for a warm body? What are the basic things that make all the other stress and trouble worthwhile?Thank you for your time.Thomas
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): you would have spent your life forever doubting her and yourself. you two were nt meant to be together, you both wanted different things in life. you wanted to settle down and total trust and commitment she did nt. so dont beat yourself up over it. mark the time you had with her up and enjoy being single when you can enjoy your qwn company others will too, good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): "The things that make it worth it" = merely knowing "that is my spouse" nothing in the world more romantic than that. Also, nothing in the world worse than having your spouce's sexual history creep up on and surprise you. Always nice to know what you're getting into. Honeymoons are fun too, single people simply can't go on honeymoon. Niether can they understand that depth of commitment. You can't know what it is till ur in it.
Whats not nice is the vulnerable position marriage puts you in. Look, I don't know... The best advice I ever got was "become the person you want to marry" become kind, loving, amiable etc etc and then people like that will automatically be drawn to you.
You are lucky though. Unlike me who had this whole ideal for marital exclusivity and romance, you are able to have sex with random people and not feel the need for anything more. I can't do that, it kills me to even kiss people like randomly. It just lacks the "aaah" factor.
This whole marriage thing is work, and not for the faint at heart. It has the potential to give you more joy&fulfilment than any fling ever can, but it will make you work for it like you have no idea.
I'm gonna shut up now. That's just my cynical answer. Im disapointed, dont let my dissapointment rob you of the pride of sseeing YOUR bride walk down the isle. Nothing like it!
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Hi Thomas,
I dont think you were demanding in your last relationship.
Your ex was not reliable or trustworthy and trust is the basis for any relationship, especially if your going to marry someone,
therefore your not wrong to cut something off which does not work for you.
Its good to know what you want in a partner.
Noone wants to settle down with someone just for the sake of it and be unhappy.
Noone wants to settle for second best.
So take your time enjoying your own company and dont be hard on yourself.
I think you should know what you want in a partner so you can recognise the signs of her
just focus on enjoying your single time until you meet her.
Hope this helps!
Goodluck!
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