A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Back in November, my ex was given an opportunity to get a great job cross-country. He asked me to go with him and I said I could not at the time because of my work commitment. I told him that I needed some time to have my work experience and that I would come back to him. He told me that he loved me more than anything and didn't want to date anyone else. Ok-fine. I felt the same way. He kept asking me over and over if I still loved him and I said yes every time. It was true.So, jump to April of this year. During the few months between we still hung out and did things together and it was fun. There was less pressure and I was happy that he was actually doing things with his friends instead of always relying on me (which caused me to be stressed out bc he had no friends). So I finish my work project and we have a sit down. I wanted to know where the relationship was headed, what was going to happen, did he want to move, etc. All of a sudden his attitude just changed and he said that he wanted to move, did not want me to go with him, and that he wanted to start dating other people. HUGE slap in the face as we always acted as if we were going to be together forever.So, my question is: Should I have said "YES! I want to go with you" right off the bat and not given him space to think about it? Or was I stupid to allow this space as it made him feel rejected (which was not the case) and looking for someone else? I felt that I was being adult about the relationship and putting him before me and looking out for what was best for him but I now feel like I was burned---Can anyone weigh in on this?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 The truth is some things just happen! I think it was ok you put yourself first in terms of your job, considering you were going to move just not right then. So, the fact that he moved on might be something that was bound to happen anyways.
He found new friends and felt "free", he liked the feeling and prefers to be like that for now. I don't think you were stupid and I don't think he is being either. You took a decision and his conviction or love could not wait 5 months? Ahh... I continue to think that it was maybe for the best.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Sure, you seemed detached from the begining, even though you say you told him you wanted to be with him forever. Your actions proved otherwise. You say he stressed you out because he wanted to hang out too much (detatched). You seemed not bummed at all when he expressed moving (detached). Now, he has caught on and is detatched himself. Theres only so many bags you can put on a donkey's back before he just sits. When you have strong feelings for someone, you would show emotion when they tell you they want to move far away, and you try to come up with a solid plan together. The old saying goes "you never know what you have untill it is gone". If you truly love him and want to be serious, you go to him now and tell him that you love him, you cant even fathum being with anyone else, and are willing to make some compramises to prove it to him. Good luck!
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