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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok. If anyone can help me, i would really appreciate it. Me and my ex recently broke up for good. I dont want to be with her, but i need help understanding what happened between us, because im trying to meet girls again and am scared of all of the things she told me about myself and if they were true..she told me i changed her. that the only thing a man should want to change is her last name, and two other things, watever. she wouldnt be clear with how i changed about her, but just that i did. this made me feel as if i was controlling. i have a friend thats a girl and i like her.. for the last 2 days we hung out, and were going to again tommarow. i have things run through my head that maby i was too clingy, that i always wanted my ex by myside and my ex would tell me i manipulate her to do what i want her to do, im scared that its true because if thats true that means im crazy cause i dont do that conciously.. and when i was a child i always assumed i would end up crazy.. i dont want to mess up my friends life if i did mess up my exes life.. crazy people usualy dont know they are crazy.. ok. my friend also, certian aspects, remind me of my ex.. but a better version of my ex.. she seems like shes all the good things about my ex, and completely not like all the bad things about my ex, (bad as in the things i didnt like).. i dont know how to see this or what to think.. because she does do things my ex did that i didnt like, but only very minor things that i didnt like.. shes a very special girl but i also thought my ex was also, i dont know what im expecting out of this friend.. man i dont even know what im looking for.. my ex was my first girl friend, (im 18 now) we were togeather for 18 months and she had a kid when we first met. i think.. maby she was manipulating me.. i dont know what to think of our past but i really loved her we had very deep conversations at times and other times she would be ignorant of my feelings i felt like thats where our problems rooted because she didnt understand me.. but i put a lot of stress on her i think i dont know she had a lot maby i put more.. she hurt me a lot but not really.. i dont know.. i just need to know.. i cant think clearly about what really hapened between us maby someone else can from the outside looking in.. thank you.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 "she hurt me a lot but not really.. i dont know.. i just need to know.."Your whole post was like this. You'd say something, then backpedal.Based on what you said, you can only go on what you know to be the case. If she never told you how you tried to change her, then that is likely just some excuse she was using rather than the truth.Do your best to have better communication with this new girl. Tell her you want her to talk to you if you ever get controlling or anything. Be open and honest.
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