A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dry humour or emotional abuse?I am thinking that I possibly misunderstood my ex, but I would appreciate your advice. I would like to say that I am a very sensitive soul that tends to take things to heart.My ex always told me not to take anything he said too seriously, but with a couple of his comments he made while we were partners I totally did. When we were together, he said something I mentioned was 'the stupidest thing he had ever heard'. He didn't say it nastily or anything, but it upset me and I don't think that was his intention. Another occasion, I had decorated my parent's room and he said he 'hated everything I had done to it'. Again, I'm not sure if it was dry humour or he was being unkind, but I took it personally and didn't know how to respond. I felt quite shocked when he said it. I asked him what he hated about the room. Not long after I spoke to one of my closest friends about it, who told me to stop being so ridiculous it was just his humour. She never scolds me so it was quite a shock! This friend of mine is in a relationship where there is a hell of a lot of dry humour and teasing (but it seems like bullying to me or am I being too sensitive again!?!) yet they get on like a house on fire and have been together 10 years, married for one of those!After we broke up, my ex phoned me up and him and his mate started teasing me a lot to the point where I snapped at him. He has since apologised and said that all he wanted was for us to be good friends and have a laugh and he hoped that I would forgive him.He had told me prior to us getting together that his family all tease each other quite relentlessly to the point where his father has said enough is enough at times. It just seems to be their way.So, was I being bullied or was it dry humour? I don't want to get back into a friendship with him if he was bullying me. How can I tell the difference? How should I react to dry humour in the future, because I don't get it. It completely throws me!!!!
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Your ex seems quite immature. I think this dry humour of his is a wall he is putting up to hide HIS insecurities. I really don't think it was emotional abuse, I don't think it was intentional, he's just got so used to doing this and has also been so used to receiving jibes from his family and friends himself the words just roll off the tongue. He needs to THINK more before he talks!
I would continue to be his friend and hang out together with him if you want to. Take what he says with a pinch of salt and maybe if you can have a talk with him when you are both alone, ask him to think more before he opens his mouth. All this is just a cover though, inside is a very unsure, insecure man who uses this dry humour as a shield to his past.
Eve
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