A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I seem to have gotten myself into an awkward situation, I've been going out with this awesome guy for 5 mnths. His best mate is also seeing my best mate and they've been seeing each other for about a year. anyway we were all walking home together last week. when it got to the point where we had to go our separate ways to go home, my boyfriend and my mate went towards their houses as they live in the same area, and me and my boyfriend's mate went the other way because we live in the same area. anyway we have to walk through a park and when we got into the park my boyfriends mate started to link arms with me. Then he was trying to touch me and kiss me. he was saying stuff to me like i would marry you one day and why has my boyfriend not loved me enough and that i could come home with him if i wanted to!?!! he wasn't drunk or anythin either and it didnt look like he was joking.I don't know where all this came from but I didn't respond to what he was sayin because I was too shocked that he was trying it on. and I've known him the same time as my boyfrined and he's never been like this before. anyway now I can't bear seeing his mate around with my boyfriend. after this happened his mate has been textin me in the middle of the night too, some of em r filthy texts. do you think he's doing this to get a reaction from me or to make me break up with my boyfriend. I've not even told my friend about this yet. should I tell my boyfriend about this or keep quiet. I'm just worried because things have not been going great with my boyfriend lately because his dad is ill, so I don't want to stress him more and I don't want him to think I enocuraged any of this to happen
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male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (10 May 2007):
Tell your boyfriend. If he's smart, he'll recognize that his so-called friend is not really his friend.
Tell your friend. She won't want to hear it, but she deserves to know that her boyfriend is an ass.
Be prepared that honesty may cause a lot of tension, and you and your boyfriend and your friend may end up taking a break from things for a few days to a couple of weeks while everyone sorts out their emotions. Be especially prepared to lose your friend over this, as she may decide to believe her boyfriend over you.
And if things blow up, perhaps your friend wasn't as great as you believed, and your boyfriend wasn't as perfect as you thought. But be forgiving, since this situation isn't really their fault, and how they react initially may hurt you, but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Other people on the site might disagree, but I think honesty is the best policy here. You need to be honest in your relationships, with your boyfriend and with your friend. The trouble is people are not used to this kind of honesty, and they might reject you, but I don't think the situation is ok for you to say nothing. If you don't do anything, you send a message to this guy saying his behaviour is ok, which it is not, and you also break your boyfriend's and friend's trust.To me, your boyfriend does not deserve a best friend who tries to steal his girl. Your girl friend does not deserve to be going out with a boy who is hitting on you either. My advice is, you don't have to tell everything, but tell your boyfriend that you think this guy is interested in you and behaving inappropriately. Tell your friend the same. Then tell this guy that you have told the other two and that he needs to come clean with both of them, and he needs to apologise to them and to you for his inappropriate behaviour. Ok, this is going to cause some fireworks, and it might cause some relationship troubles, including yours, but I think it will work itself out ok over time. If this guy loves you and doesn't love his girlfrined, this will probably split them up but it will be for the best. It might cause your girl friend to resent you, but hopefully in time she will see it was not your fault, and she won't blame you. If he was infatuated but is genuinely a nice guy and loves his girl, you will probably find that his girl and your boyfriend can forgive him in time, and it will make their relationships better. I hope that is the case, and that in time your honesty will be doing everyone a favour. Most importantly, this is a choice for you of what kind of person you want to be in your life. Do you want to tell the truth even if it means hurting people or losing people? Not everyone does, but if my girlfriends best friend started hitting on me, I would sure as hell tell my girlfriend, and get them to talk it through. Keeping things like this secret can come back to bite you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 May 2007):
 I would keep this from your boyfriend for now due to the circumstances with his father but I WOULD tell your friend. Keep his texts to prove you're not making all this up then leave THEM to sort it out! Ensure your friend that you have not been encouraging him and it came out of the blue! Also let her know that it's BECAUSE she's your friend you're telling her about it.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Maryann6873  +, writes (10 May 2007):
God what is wrong with some guys?! Tell this guy to knock it off first of all - this is getting to be harrassment. Yes, of course tell your boyfriend, this is unexceptable for his 'friend' to be coming on to you! He is not a true friend to your boyfriend, he is not loyal to his girlfriend and he is showing you the most disrespect. Show your boyfriend the text messages he's sent you. Show him this site and tell his girlfriend. Hence, before you do this make sure you at least warn him and tell him to stop. He sounds pretty pathetic.
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